Meant To Be | Lee Felix

blurs | part 12

"Felix you are literally wasting your breath here. I don't wanna talk to you, don't you understand?" I say to distract ourselves from the fact that the whole conversation was turning out to be a one-word-more-and-we-kiss-now type.

"No, I don't understand, Chae," He sounds like he is fighting himself not to yell, "Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Why do you even care?" "Don't you dare say that I don't care...-" He steps closer; eyes darkening.

"You. don't. care. You're just another celebrity. What good for you if am with you or not?"
He scoffs and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. I don't let him speak at all because I know he is right.

"What do you even know about my life to be in it? You live in a bubble of fans and flashing lights; am just another pit stop." I look around to check if anyone is watching us for my voice is getting higher with every word I say.

He says with a raise of tone too- "Yes, it's true. I don't know anything about your life- but I... I wanna be in it. You can't just enter into someone's life and just leave like nothing happened!"

I cross my arms- "As if anything happened between us-"
"It already has, and you know it."

His eyes do the triangle method again. Please, this lord give me patience. I bite my lip again- ugh. I don't wanna dwell deep into the topic we are entering now again, and after all am good at diverting topics-

"Whatever happened; which I doubt even happened- you'll get bored with it and find something new; Park Chae Ryo is just another distraction for you. Be glad to forget me once the concert is approved after your degree."

"I could forget my face in the mirror but not you, Chae."

If he keeps using his poetry, I won't be able to stand with confidence anymore. Firstly, am struggling to pretend I don't like him near me upon that he is pulling the strings. Lee Felix the man you are.

I gulp and turn my face away for I fear there might be water in my eyes now. He tilted his head to find my eyes. As much as I love him looking into my eyes- I don't want him ever to look again for he'll find something that I don't want him to find.

He is about to say something but I can't afford his words anymore- "But I'd like to forget you, so please- stay away from me."

They say eyes don't lie and mine don't at this point too. Because I said what I mean. How I wish Felix to never join Yonsei because it somehow hurts me; to know that one day, he'll leave. Even though he was so close to being a part of my life in reality (not in my delulu) he left. Because after all he is an idol and am just a normal fangirl.

His Adam's apple shows how hard it must be feeling to swallow his tears right now. I have pulled the strings here and hurt him.
I have started to feel am bipolar because I have two sides of me; one hurts for hurting him- the other glad for hurting him for he'll stay away from me.

I give him a chance. Come on Felix, prove to me my words don't affect you because you read what my eyes were meant to show you not what they are showing you. Prove me, that you know that I want you even though I show you that I don't want you.
Prove me you know you me, Felix.

But I guess, words are thrones, sharp and biting, no matter how beautiful the rose may be.

To my surprise, he smiles. But not the maybe-I-like-you one he usually gives me, but the maybe-you-don't-like-me one.

For a moment I feel a stone stuck in my heart. It tightens when Felix turns and leaves without a word. I wait for him to turn around but he never does.