Nirvana one-shots

Bad dreams of Kurt

I didn’t want to sleep. I knew that once I fell asleep, I was just going to think about him. I always think about him, though. In my dreams (more so nightmares), it just gets worse. 

I have been prescribed medication, but they don’t do anything. Even if I take more than I’m supposed to, I still dream of Kurt. 

Kurt died. He killed himself. 

This was what I feared was going to happen. I tried my whole life, ever since I met Kurt, to make sure that he would stay alive. He’s been through so much, and he suffered every day. There’s no mistaking because he died.

For a while I was successful, but then Kurt got with Courtney, and I felt helpless to stop him from the abuse that she put him through, and she was what led him to finally killing himself.

It hurts. It hurts so much. I just didn’t consider Kurt my best friend. I loved him. I still love him. He loved me too. He was just afraid to admit it. 

In another universe, I know that the two of us managed to date and we were both happy. But that universe isn’t this one, and now I’m left here to suffer and try to recover from this by myself. Dave is here, but it’s not the same.

Shaking my thoughts away, I forced myself to curl up in bed. I hoped this time I wouldn’t dream of Kurt. All of my dreams are just him dying or the happy and sad moments we shared together. I do miss the happy moments, but remembering them hurts me. 

I cuddled my blanket as I fell asleep. I’m so used to sleeping next to Kurt. He used to stay at my house all the time to escape Courtney, and we slept in the same bed. I missed the warmth and the soft sounds of his breathing. I can’t express in words how much I miss my Kurt. 

Soon I managed to fall asleep. I didn’t have any dreams for a while, but then one occurred. In my dreams, I sometimes don’t know that they are dreams. But when I wake up, I instantly know they are dreams. 

I then realized that I was in my bed. Confusion pulsed throughout me, and I wondered if somehow, I woke up already. Somebody was knocking on the door.

I sighed and rolled back to bed. I didn’t know who this person was. But I didn’t want to deal with them.

“Just leave me alone, whoever you are.”

The knocking didn’t stop. It only got louder.

I let out a groan and grabbed two pillows, putting them over his ears. But the knocking was so loud that the pillows didn’t dwell any of the sounds. 

Rage pulsed throughout me, and I threw the pillows onto the ground and stood up. I ran over to the door and ripped it open. I didn’t know who I was expecting to see. I just wanted them to leave.

But when I opened the door, It was Kurt. 

“T-This isn’t a good joke…” I choked out, almost starting to cry. “Who are you, and why are you pretending to be Kurt?” 

I was convinced that this was some sort of cruel joke. Maybe this was some guy wearing a costume. Although, I couldn’t help but notice that this person looks exactly like Kurt, and I know Kurt more than anybody else. I have seen every inch of his body, and it’s all perfect. 

“I’m not pretending. It’s me, Krist. It’s me.” 

I froze. The voice was also Kurt’s. There was no way that somebody would go out of their way to look exactly like Kurt and sound like him. This had to be Kurt. 

“A-Are you sure that it’s you?” I asked, knowing that it was a stupid question.

“It is me.” Kurt told me. He reached out and grabbed my shoulder. “I’m sorry I left for a bit. But it’s me. I’m alive.” 

“H-How?” I couldn’t help but ask.

I saw the photos of Kurt’s passing. They were horrible. There was no way that he could have survived that.

“Don’t worry about that.” Kurt told me. “Just come here. Come here and tell me you love me. We can be together now.” 

“I-I love you…” I blurted out, not thinking logically. “I love you so much, and I really want to be with you.” 

As I wrapped my arms around Kurt and smelled his sweet scent, I knew that this was Kurt. This wasn’t a trick or a dream, it was reality. 

At least that’s what I thought until I woke up.

Once I awoke in my bed, I didn’t know what to do. So many emotions were rushing through me at once, and I didn’t want to feel anything. I just wanted to feel numb. I just wanted this pain to end. Now that I knew that Kurt wasn’t alive, I also didn’t want to be alive. 

I grabbed my pillow and wrapped my arms tightly around it as I began to sob and cradle myself back and forth. My tears rushed out of my face and stained my pillow, but I didn’t care.

I don’t know why my brain won’t just accept the truth. That Kurt is dead. The love of my life is dead, and he isn’t ever going to be coming back…