ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? | TAA & ALEJANDRO BALDE

the 30th

'if you changed anything, would you not have survived?
you're alive, you're alive, you're alive'

I was positive this is what death felt like.

everyone always says when you die you relive your happiest memories for seven minutes before finally dying, so why am I not reliving anything at all?

why is the only thing I feel pain? why can't I just die happy like everyone says you will?

I don't wanna die. I wanna live, I have so many years ahead of me, I can't just miss the most important years of my life because of this.

why couldn't I just die or live? why did it have to be this complicated and painful?

30 HOURS LATER

"doctor, she moved her finger" I hear a muffled voice talk "that's good, I'm positive she'll be fine." what I suppose is a doctor now speaks.

"she might have some minor brain damages or injuries but overall everything should turn out fine" they talk again, I couldn't quite make out if it was a man or a woman.

"she'll wake up any second now, just wait patiently" I hear the voice talk which is followed by a door closing. I assume the doctor left the room as a voice starts talking again.

"please wake up" I recognise the voice to be my dad, he wasn't supposed to be in town today, why is he here?

I still wasn't completely sure if this was a dream or real life, I felt awake but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. It was like they were glued stuck.

I felt so numb yet also so alive, I don't think I'd ever felt this awake. I wanted to scream and tell my dad I was awake, I wanted to tell him I could hear him, but I couldn't.

and in just seconds the room went quiet, a high toned beep sounded in my ears before my body gave up. I wasn't sure what happened, I just know everything felt dark. I couldn't hear anything.

I opened my eyes as wide as I could, it felt like they would pop out when in reality they were barely even open. I was squinting as I looked around the room, moving my head as quick as I could, which wasn't quick at all.

"doctor she's awake!" a voice sounds, they sounded hopeful though I wasn't sure I'd they should be. My body felt like it would give up any second now.

"ma'am I need you to keep your eyes open for me, don't close them until I say you can" a woman speaks, a doctor I assume. "sit upright for me please" she puts her hand behind my back, tilting me upwards.

I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to stay upright, even with her hand behind me I still felt like I was falling behind just a little every second.

"can you talk? just one word is enough" she speaks, a bit of an excited or at least happy tone in her voice. "I-" I force myself to speak, yet it really isn't easy.

I can't say anything else before my body gives up, my eyes shut close and I feel my back slam against the hospital beds mattress. Is this what hell feels like?

"no no no! stay up" the doctor speaks, now putting my back against the bed frame. I could feel her put something over my mouth, though I wasn't sure what it was.