ARE WE STILL FRIENDS? | TAA & ALEJANDRO BALDE

you're gonna go far

TRENTS POV:

I REGRETTED EVERYTHING. I REGRETTED EVER GETTING INVOLVED WITH MADISON, I knew I would hurt her and wouldn't be able to be good for her.

I never will be good enough for her, she's too good for this world.

she deserved someone who can love her, that's not me. I do love her, don't get me wrong, but I can't put all my love into her. I just can't.

it's way too complicated for me, relationships is something I can't do, and I know that's exactly what Madison wants.

I feel shit for leading her on the way I did, for hurting her. I had already had an earful from Luke about it, he's mad for how I treated her but glad she broke it off.

I am too, I would never be able to break things off with madi. I'm addicted to madi.

I loved her every move, I loved how when she walked in a room every guy would turn his head for her, girls as well. I loved how her comments were full of guys, yet she was mine.

I loved her presence, the way her laugh sounded when it was genuine, the way her hair always looks perfect.

I loved everything about her, and now I fucked everything up.

I wish I could just tell her how mad I am at myself, and how stupid I was for fucking things up with her. I knew this would happen yet I still have her the false hope that I'd change.

I think deep down we both knew that wasn't gonna happen, she just didn't want to believe it.

I feel so shit for that. I don't know why I keep doing this, why I keep hurting girls that I'm in love with. I loved madi, I was in love with madi.

I didn't like this other girl, she was nice, but no one could ever compare to madi.

She is the one.

she's the kind of girl you wish you could introduce to your parents, the kind of girl where you immediately know she'll be the one you marry.

I hated myself for hurting her, even the thought of me or someone else hurting her made my blood boil. I was so protective over her, yet I couldn't even protect her from myself.

I'm even more mad and scared honestly that she'll think she was just a hook up to me, I know she already thought that while we were together, so now she definitely will.

and I hate that, madi could never be just a hook up. You could try, but you'd always end up falling in love with her.

you'd fall in love with everything about her: the way she smiled, the way she put her hair behind her ear, the way she would crack up at the worst jokes ever, the way she ate so elegantly yet finishes her plate so fast.

I fell in love with everything about her.

how could I not?

she looks kind and gorgeous on camera but in real life she's mesmerising, the kindest soul you'll ever meet, and God knows how stupid she is to always get with guys that hurt her.

I hope and pray for her Alejandro won't. she deserves someone that will be good to her, someone that will love her the way she loves them.

I knew I couldn't be that for her, so I hope the next best person will. as much as I loved her and was in love with her, I could never get in a relationship with her.

I'm a cheating douchebag, I always end up getting bored of my girlfriend and just find a girl that's into me and fuck her, completely disregarding the other persons feelings.

now I was sat here, on my couch with a girl I didn't like.

this was my third date with her, and I had no idea why I was still going out with her.

I use cheating as an excuse to push people that get too close to me out of my life, attachment scares me, and I had now gotten so attached to madi.

In the past two years I haven't had a girl friend or hook up, all because of madi. She didn't even notice me until just a few weeks ago.

We'd always been friends but she'd never seen me in the way I saw her.

she was perfect in my eyes, in everyone's eyes at that. I just couldn't understand how anybody could ever hurt her, how I could hurt her.

I hated myself for it, I really did.

I couldn't even begin to think how shit madi must be feeling, she went back to me even after I fucked up and I just did the same thing again, while knowing she was already feeling shit about it.

I had noticed the way she unfollowed me after the second time, I couldn't blame her.

she didn't come to my house to get mad at me this time, I think she knew she would just go back to me if she did. I was sad she didn't come by, was waiting for her all night.

but I understand why she didn't, I understand she's completely done with me this time.

she even stopped posting on social media for a week, might've been the worst week of my life. that week was the longest time I had gone without seeing madi, so not being able to see her on Instagram made me die inside.

I missed her, I really really missed her.

I wish I could text her how sorry I am, how bad I feel and how stupid I was. but I don't wanna destroy her peace, she's only just been on a date with Alejandro, I saw on tiktokroom.

I can't destroy something that hasn't even fully happened yet, I just had to wait and see how it went, if it we,t bad I would jump in.

I will tell her how much I miss and love her, tell her I'll actually try this time. I don't know if she'll believe it, but I hope she will.

MADISONLOPEZ
UPLOADED A NEW POST

liked by trentarnold66, alejandrobalde and 20 others
madisonlopez: new nails

uploaded 20s ago

she looked beautiful.
I loved her.
I love her.
I'm in love with her.

AUTHORS NOTE: finally a Trent POV!!!!