The Secret Of Us

eight

When I woke up on my birthday, I felt flat. Nine weeks pregnant, newly thirty-three years old. It wasn't exactly where I thought I'd be at this age.

"Bug?" There was a light tap on my door.

"No!" I groaned, rolling over and turning my face into the pillow. I heard Travis chuckle at me as he came in, and then his weight sagged on one side of the bed.

"Come on." He rubbed my shoulder. "We can't do my original plan of having drinks tonight because of your little baby situation but I have still planned you the best thirty third birthday ever to exist."

"I'm not thirty three." I grumbled. "Shut up." 

"Come on now Bug." Travis tried to roll me over but I shook my head, trying to ignore him. "Hey, come on." He prodded me. "Do I have to make you?"

I didn't say anything. With a sigh, Travis grabbed my hips and rolled me over quickly onto my back. My eyes flew open as he pinned me down, his body settling mine except for the weight he was careful not to place on my stomach. I felt my cheeks flush when his hands braced next to my head, and Travis' lips curved up in a smirk.

"I have your attention now don't I?" He murmured, leaning down to brush a teasing kiss against my jaw.

"Yes." I breathed. 

"Good." Travis kissed my neck. "Because I..." He spoke around soft kisses, peppering his lips over my neck, jaw, collarbones. "Have a plan for you today Miss Swift. And it involves you accepting the fact that it's your birthday, getting dressed, and letting the celebrations happen." I hummed in denial, but Travis' hand skimming up to cup my breast through my singlet quickly shut me up. "And tonight, we are going to come home and I am going to show you what some real birthday sex looks like. Does that sound like something you can live with?"

"Yes." I panted.

"Good." Travis hovered his lips over mine, our eyes meeting. I swallowed.

All of a sudden I didn't like this. I mean, I did, but I didn't like the fact that this moment with Travis felt so intimate. It felt more like what a boyfriend might do, not a friend. The line was getting too blurry.

"Trav." I whimpered as he bent to kiss me, quickly shoving a finger between our lips to stop him.

"What's wrong Bug?" Travis paused.

"Trav this feels too coupley." I admitted. "There needs to be more of a line or things are going to get complicated. This is amazing." I touched his shoulder with my other hand. "But I think we should keep it to just us being normal like we've always been unless it's sex."

"Oh." Travis' face fell. "I'm sorry Bug, I didn't even realize."

"It's okay, I get it." I sat up as he moved off me. "Both of us were blurring the line a little. I know there's a lot going on physically but if we don't keep it for just..."

"For just when we're having sex." Travis finished with a sigh and I nodded. "Yeah, gotcha." I got the sense that I'd upset him somehow, but when I touched his arm Travis shifted away and got to his feet. "Just...be ready to leave by ten okay? I made some breakfast so when you're ready..."

"Yeah." I whispered when he didn't continue, and Travis nodded before leaving me alone. I sighed, flopping down onto my back. 

I didn't get it. Was he upset that I was trying to keep things semi normal between us? I just didn't want to lose my best friend over a sexual fling, because I didn't know how long this was going to last. Sooner or later one of us would be interested in someone else and this thing between us would stop. That's what we'd agreed.