The Secret Of Us

eighteen

It was a long night. Travis and I spent a while in Clover's nursery with her, rocking her, kissing her, unable to let her go even when she fell asleep. But eventually we did, making sure her windows were tightly closed and testing the baby monitor before retreating from her nursey and leaving the door open.

We were quiet as we went to bed, exchanging little conversation as we lay down, Travis' fingers weaved tightly through mine. I just lay there on my side, gazing across at Travis where he mirrored me, both of us sharing the same relief, but also the same fear. The fear that we couldn't always protect her.

Eventually, I managed to get to sleep, and when I woke up again I was alone. Travis' hand was no longer in mine, and his side of the bed was cold like he'd been gone a while. I sat up, turning towards the clock. Half part five in the morning. Where was he?

Slipping out of bed, I pattered out of the room and down to Clover's nursery. When I peeked inside, I let out a little sigh of relief when I saw Travis. He was sitting on the rocking chair, fast asleep, one of his arms stretched out, his hand through the bars of Clover's cot. It looked like she was holding onto one of his fingers, dead to the world just like he was. He must have been there a while. It was such a reassuring sight, peaceful, caring. Travis hadn't been able to sleep without knowing she was safe, so he'd come in here. I understood that.

Unable to take my eyes off my boyfriend and daughter, I leaned against the doorway and folded my arms. Travis was such a caring father, adoring, and I'd never get over the way he treated Clover and I. I knew we were everything to him. 

After a few minutes, I turned away from the doorway and went down to the hall cupboard. I got out a blanket and went back to the nursery, tiptoeing in to drape it over Travis' sleeping body. Then I leaned over Clover's cot, checking on her. She was fast asleep, her arms sprawled out. I smiled to myself, straightening up and turning away.

I didn't feel like going back to sleep, and it was almost six am by that point, so I didn't go back to bed. Closing the nursery door so I wouldn't wake either of them up, I went down to the kitchen and made some tea. I felt so heavy, the fear of last night weighing on my heart. 

My phone started to ring on the counter and I looked over, turning my head to read the name on the screen. Then I reached for it, tapping the green button and bracing my phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Hey dad." I sighed.

"Hi sweetheart." Dad murmured. "I figured you'd be awake this early."

"Yeah." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "You heard huh?"

"Of course I did sweetheart, I just didn't call earlier because I didn't want to overwhelm you. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." I admitted. "I feel so awful dad. She was taken in broad daylight and if Sabrina hadn't found her..." I choked up, taking a breath. "I don't know."

"Hey, but she did find her." Dad reminded me. "I know you're scared sweetheart, believe me I know how scary being a parent is, and you went through so much last night. But Clover is okay, you're okay, Travis is okay."

"Right." I blew out a breath. 

"I don't want to take up too much of your time, but I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you."

"Oh, dad." I breathed, tears welling up in my eyes. 

"You know you'll always have us sweetheart, me and your mom and your brother, all your friends, and especially Travis." Dad told me.

"Yeah I know." I sniffed.

"Taylor."

"Yeah?"

"You know how much that man loves you."