Mastermind || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 18 - Sofia

Aaron left very early in the morning and sent me a text telling me that he had to go to work and that he loves me. I send him back a 'Love you too' and then cried in bed again. I was never this emotional or invested in anything before. But this man has changed everything I knew about myself. And I'm torturing him...

I can't keep going like this. I can't keep doing this to him. It has to end now. I have to go, no matter how much it hurts.

So, I get out of his bed, I put on a pair of gloves and I start cleaning everything I've touched. I throw the sheets in the washing machine. I gather my things from his closet and bathroom. I wipe every surface there is with a cloth that I plan on burning later. I pay extra attention to the door knobs, controllers and the bathroom.

I want to erase my existence from his life, just like I need to erase his from mine.

I leave the apartment two hours later, without a trace I've been there. I go back to my place and, in tears, I start packing essential things.

Until there is a knock on my door. I hide the suitcase in my closet as I look at the ring camera. It's Aaron.

He knocks again and then calls me. He can absolute hear my ringtone from the other side of the wall. I put the phone down and go to the door.

"Hi" I reach up to kiss him, like everything is ok

"Hi. I didn't see your car at my place, so I came straight here. Can I come in?" he asks

"Of course" I reply. "You said you were at work. Is everything ok?" I wonder as he sit down

"I just needed to see you" he places his hand on my thigh. "Your name came up in the investigation. And as much as I hate to ask you this, I need to know what happened in NYU and--" he says, rubbing my skin softly.

"No" I say.

"What?" he replies, almost surprised

"No. I don't want to talk about it" I insist

"Sofia--"

"No!" I raise my voice

"Why didn't you report it, Sofia? Why didn't you--" he asks

"Because I was humiliated!" I shout frustrated.

And silence.

"NYU was my dream. Leaving that shithole of a home felt so freeing. Landing in New York felt like my life finally turned for the better. And for 4 months I was so happy. Sure, I was going to classes and working every day but I was happy. While the others complained about their schedules, I was grateful. Because I was living my dream... And the I got raped on campus".

Aaron clenches his jaw.

"I was heading back to my dorm after work. I opened my door and someone grabbed me. He shut the door and threw me on the bed, with himself on top to hold me down. He restrained me on my own bed -in my own room- and stuck his bandana down my throat so I wouldn't scream.

"He did all that in a matter of a minute. He had the restraints already on my bed and the bandana in his hand. He was prepared. He had done this before. I'm 100% sure about that.

"When he finished, he kissed me on the forehead and told me how good I did for him. He asked me if I had as a good time as he did".

I pause and take a breath as I wipe my tears.

"But before releasing me, he told me I wouldn't report it because no one would take me seriously. Raped on my own bed, in my own room? He said he'll tell them that I consented. And who was going to believe a lonely girl from a family of drug addicts that's looking for attention? They'd call me a drug addict too and claim that I was doing it in order to blackmail and get money from his family. And I believed him... I was new to the big town, I was naive -I was still 17-, so I believed him.

"By the time I calmed down and realized how stupid it all sounded, it was too late. In panic, had taken tons of showers and threw my sheets in the washing machine right after he left".

Aaron is silent.

"That's why I left NYU. I couldn't stand to be there anymore. I bolted even though I knew he'd probably do it again to others. But when I went to Louisiana, they called me a coward and a screw up. Me! My brother called ME a screw up!" I laugh through my tears.

Aaron sits closer to me and holds my hands. But he doesn't let me hug him. So I look up to meet his eyes. They're shiny, but his face is anything but sad. His jaw in clenched, his brows have fallen straight, his lips are pressed together.

"When he finished, he kissed me on the forehead and told me how good I did for him" my own voice replays in my head.

He takes a breath, "Tell me it's not what I'm thinking..." his voice is low, like he's trying to keep himself composed.

"Aaron--"

"Tell me I'm wrong, Sofia!" he raises his voice now, and squeezes my hands painfully.