Mastermind || Aaron Hotchner

Chapter 22 - Sofia

I enter the care home calmly despite my boiling blood. No one's at the front and I walk further in without any disturbance. No security. This is what you get when you throw your father in the cheapest home you can find. I love it.

I get to my father's room and pick the lock to get in. I find him in his bed, sleeping soundless. Why does he get to have peace and I don't?

I knock the barrel of my gun on his headboard to wake him up. He shifts and immediately opens his eyes. I smile at how terrified he looks.

"Hi, daddy" I smirk

"What are you doing here, Sofia?"

"Visiting you. It's been a while"

"Whatever you are thinking of doing, I'm begging you to rethink it. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. I have changed" he says.

I want to laugh. "You have? Oh, ok. I believe you" I lie as I put my gun in the holster. "How about we go for a walk? Start talking about things" I suggest

"I don't think we should--"

"I said we're going for a walk!" I insist.

"Ok, ok".

I love how scared he is of me. I love how weak he looks. I love having control over him. He is sad old man. And he doesn't have dementia; I paid the doctor to sign off on it so no one would take him serious when he went around and told everyone I was a killer. The surprising thing is that even after all the meth he did, he's relatively healthy for his age. Is this luck or an indication of how unfair the world is?

I have him walk and walk until we reach the cemetery. And then he knows I'm heading to mom's grave. And right besides her is my brother.

"Do you think we would be happier if she was here?" I wonder

"I've thought about it a lot of times..."

"Oh, I know. You said all those thoughts out loud and in my face. Most of them boiled down to 'we would be better off without you and she would still be here'. Am I saying it right?"

"Sofia, I did not--"

"Please" I roll my eyes, "Don't try and tell me you didn't mean it. I know it's true. There were so many times I wished I was never born. But if she was here, she'd be so disappointed with you"

"With me?" he laughs, "You killed your own brother!"

"Yeah, and he died like a pussy" I chuckle

"You're a monster" he says.

And I hear this crack in my chest for the millionth time today. I can almost feel the last remaining parts of my soul fading away. First Aaron, now him.

"You made me this way" I grab my gun again. "You made me hate all men. You made me heartless. You made me unlovable. You made me so cold. You started everything. It's all your fault" my gun now points at his head.

"I met a good guy. I fell in love with him. And then I hurt him. Because I don't know how to love. I don't know how to be open. I don't deserve good things because of you".

I don't even care if I'm making sense right now. Tears are streaming down my face and I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

I hear another gun, but before I can turn I hear Aaron's voice. "Sofia, put the gun down" he says

"No" I answer without even looking at him

"Sofia, let's talk about it" he insists

"No! He's the reason I am what I am today" my hand shakes as I hold the gun, "A monster" my voice breaks.

He doesn't even deny it, "Put your gun down, please" he says

"No. I'm going to shot him and then get the hell out of here"

"That's not how it's going to go"

"I'm not going to prison" I state

"I'm afraid that's not your call to make. Agent Greenaway gave you a second chance but I won't. You are a killer. You don't feel love, you don't fucking care. You're exactly like the people I hunt down and I'm not going to let you get away".

Enraged I turn to him and hold my gun against him. He wanted to provoke me and he absolutely did. My eyes water as I meet his eyes. Both guns pointing at each other.

"I watched the security footage from the bar before you killed Guller. You sat two seats away from him. You ordered two shots of tequila. You kept your head down and you let him stare until he spoke first. I knew those moves. You did exactly that when you supposedly ran into me at the bar. You were going to kill me too, weren't you?" he asks.

He is right. I was going to kill him too until he proved to be more useful to me. And then I fell for him.

"You're never going to stop thinking like a killer. You're never going to stop killing. And I'm never going to stop hunting you down. The only way you get out of this is by killing me" he warns me.

"I'm not going to kill you" I finally speak, but my gun is still pointed at him as his gun is pointed at me

"Why? You've been so good at covering your tracks for so long. Why stop now? Taking me out means the investigation is off and you can get away. So, kill me and take me out of your way, Sof" he insists

"No! Just leave and go back to your life, Aaron. I'm not going to bother you again" I promise.

"You think it's that easy?" he asks me. "After what you..." his voice breaks.

Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to keep my gun steady, even though I know I'm not going to hurt him.

"I loved you, but it turns out I don't even know you" he confesses

"I swear that I never had to act with you. And I hated lying to you. I considered ending it all for you because I couldn't handle the secrecy and seeing how beat up you were everytime you came home after working on this case. It was all my fault. And I wanted to stop it for you. Because even in such a short time, you were everything that mattered. I love you so much I didn't even know it was possible for me" I confess.

And I wish he shoots me right now. Before he breaks my heart again and before he calls me a monster again. If he doesn't do it, I'll do it myself. Because I can't take any more pain. A minute ago, I thought I wanted to run, but not anymore. I'm done. I want this to end.