𝘿𝙐𝙈𝘽 & 𝙋𝙊𝙀𝙏𝙄𝘾 ━━━ 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐧 x 𝘧𝘦𝘮!ᴏ/ᴄ ✓

8. 𝑫𝒖𝒎𝒃 & 𝑷𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄

"𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒃 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄,
 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓,
 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄"

General POV:

During class, all Clay could think about was how he was going to tell Winston everything. What the fuck was he meant to even say? 'Hey dude, just letting you know that last night I fucked your girlfriend of a week or so, so yeah. That's how life has been, Winston? How's yours?' Honestly, so pathetic. He could genuinely feel his heart beat picking up the pace, it was similar to the feeling he got when he could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Come on, focus Clay, focus. You have school to worry about, fuck Winston." He thought to himself, placing his hand on his heart. Reassurance never usually seemed to work but for once in his life it did and he felt so proud of himself.

"Clay? Clay, darling? Focus on the board, please. This work is very important for your exams so pay attention." Miss Sahaf said, pointing him out to the class.

 Suddenly, every heard turned to the back of the class where the lonely and quiet boy was, Clay. He turned his head to look at every face, some laughing and snickering at him and clueless-ness, others wondering what he was doing as they had confused faces on their faces. He swore he could feel his face burning a bright crimson colour as everyone was looking at him. Miss Sahaf didn't mean to embarrass him in front of the whole class so she immediately regretted what she had done. But then, she noticed him clutching onto his chest, like hanging on to it for dear life. She instantly knew what was up with him and scolded everyone.

"Uh, everyone turn back around. It's not to stare. How would you like it if I were to stare at only you for a whole minute? You wouldn't like it, would you? So stop." She said, assertively. Then, every head turned back around and were immediately focused back onto the lesson. God, school really fucked up kids so much that they are so quick to pay attention as soon as possible, this is literally why schools sucks. They have enforced a mindset onto the poor children. I feel sorry for them.

"Uh, Miss Sahaf? Could I please go to the first aid room please? I think I'm-" Clay was about to say but before he could finish, she knew that he was having a panic attack so she let him go.

"Yes, of course. Go ahead." She said, shooting him a smile before turning back to the class, her smile dropping as she looked at the little rats. "You! Shut up! We're here to learn about enzymes!" She yelled back, grabbing her long ass ruler from the corner of the bin and smacking it against the whiteboard.

"Sorry Miss Sahaf!" The boy at the front of the class exclaimed.

Clay got up from his seat, still clutching onto his heart on his chest, feeling the weight of the world on his back. Everything felt heavy and he began to wheeze. Everything was fucked and nothing was okay. He walked out of the class just to walk straight into Winston. Well, fuck! It's so crazy how he always ends up running into Winston of all people every time he decides to leave the classroom, like fuck, what a coincidence? Clay was beginning to think he does it on purpose just so he could purposefully bump into Clay, like it was casual.

"Clay? C-Clay? What's wrong? Are you alright?" Winston said, sounding genuinely concerned about Clay. He placed a hand onto Clay's shoulder gently. Clay looked down at Winston's hand, a half-confused, half-disgusted look plastered on his face but he was still trying to be discrete about his reaction. He didn't want to make his enemies view him the same way he saw them.

"Uhm, no not really. I'm having a-" He took a deep breath, crouching down low before continuing with, "I'm having a panic attack."

"Oh shit! Are you, do you need any help? I could uh- I could uhm-" Winston said, edging closer to Clay to help him, he fixed his posture. "Just uhm, stay where you are please. Just don't move as much alright?"

"Mhm, okay." Clay looked down at his hand on his heart, which was now covered with Winston's hand on top of his. He looked up at Winston's face and he had a genuinely serious look on his face. Clay was finding it hard to believe that a guy he hated with all his guts could be so caring. Well, surprise, surprise.

"Just breathe slowly and deeply. This won't last forever, okay? You got this, Clay. Breathe in and out." Winston said, his hand still lingering over Clay's, his words coming out of his mouth almost as if the things he was saying were just natural. Almost like he was experienced.

He had to admit that things were starting to get a little weird with Winston but played it off as him just being nice. He knew that Winston was exactly straight but wasn't exactly gay either because everyone knows that he fucked Monty the night at that party and then another time when Bryce died. But nobody knew about the second time. And also, he was with Maria right now. 

Suddenly, thoughts of Maria and him last night flooded his brain and his train of thought was lost. His once focused self was now completely messed up and there was no turning back now. Clay was about to confess to some of the truth, not the whole truth but then he felt lips connect to his. Clay had shut his eyes in the process of going through the shock and unexpectedness of the kiss and batted his eyes open to see Winston. What the fuck! Winston Williams was kissing Clay Jensen? Clay Jensen's lips were on a boy who he was meant to hate? Clay was weirded the fuck out and wanted to off himself immediately. No because seriously, what goes on at Liberty?

"Uhm, what the actual fuck is going on right now?" was all that Clay could think of in his head right now. He could feel himself wanting to kill himself as the seconds went by.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do this. You're just so vulnerable right now and I'm sorry I took advantage of that, Clay. I'm so sorry." Winston spoke so eloquently, it was hard to tell what he was even on about as it didn't even sound like an apology more like a poem. God, was he so dumb and poetic.

"Uhm, it's- it's alright. Just, just forget about this. Forget this ever happened. Remember, you have a girlfriend and you don't love me because I don't love you." Clay blurted out, his words all coming out at once. And then, it happened. Without thinking, he blurted out some not so great facts. It was like he was drunk. "Because I love Maria. I fucking love her and I loved fucking her last night, god she was so amazing."

"What?" Winston laughed awkwardly. "Wait, what the fuck did you just say?" Winston said, sounding angrier than ever. Enraged and hurt, he began to walk Clay backwards and into the corner, belittling him in a way. No matter how hard Clay tried, he'd always be the smaller person in every situation.

"No, noth-" Clay tried to refute but he realised his efforts were futile.

"No, tell me what the fuck you just said. You fucked her last night? Seriously? You son of a bitch! I should fucking kill you right now but-"

"Hey, guys! Lesson's over in 5 but I got let out early 'cause I had a supply. What's up?" Maria said, appearing out of the middle of nowhere. Like, where the fuck did she pop out from?

Winston thought about how he should reply carefully whereas Clay, being Clay, blurted the shit out of his mouth. Clay's bad habits were getting to him now.

"We're just talking-" Winston tried to say but was immediately cut off by Clay's panicked talk.

"I had a panic attack and then he kissed me so I panicked, ha pun intended, and then I told him about last night." Clay confessed, running his hands through his hair and face-palming himself. Maria just looked around, before she met eyes with Winston. In his eyes and in that moment, she could see anger and coldness in his eyes. In that moment, she knew, he was never going to look at her the same.