In Love with a Lunatic (joshler)

19. Hope You Stick Around

(*Look the Other Way -Beartooth [Ambient Mix])

Saturday
March 29

Walking through the door of his boyfriend's apartment, he sets a bag down on the counter and begins unpacking the snacks and drinks into their respective locations in the kitchen.

"Baby, you awake?" he calls, opening the refrigerator and placing the six-pack of pop on the shelf.

"Yeah! One second!

Turning back around, he grabs the empty bag off the counter and freezes. His heart sinks as he picks up the small metal lid off the surface. Setting the bag back down, he walks to the bedroom to see Tyler in bed scrolling through his laptop.

"Where is it?" He asks quietly.

Tyler is quiet for a moment, keeping his eyes on the computer screen, "Where is what?"

"Please, don't lie to me," Josh shakes his head.

"I-I don't..."

Josh sighs, carefully setting the beer bottle top on the keyboard, "The beer, Tyler. Where is it?"

Glancing down at the top, the brunette sighs before reaching under the covers and slowly pulling out an empty beer bottle. He hands it to Josh who takes it silently. Walking out to the kitchen, he drops it in the trash along with the lid. He sighs quietly, anxiously biting his lip. It's been two weeks of Tyler not drinking.

You knew this was a possibility.
It's not his fault.
It's a process, it doesn't happen overnight.
Maybe he just needs more help.

Thoughts rush through Josh's head as he tries to figure out what to say to his boyfriend. He needs to find out what he can do to help, if anything. With a deep breath, the man walks back to the bedroom. Tyler sits mutely, his knees hugged to his chest with his laptop shut beside him, forgotten about.

Josh sits down in front of him with his legs crossed. He leans forward and rests his arms on Tyler's knees. "Hi, baby," he whispers.

"Hi," Tyler responds, his voice just as quiet, his attention focused on the man's tattoo sleeve.

"You doing okay?"

The man doesn't respond for a few moments as he gnaws his already shredded cheek. Josh kisses his forehead, noticing his eyes become wet. Tyler opens his mouth, but stutters with his words. Refusing to meet his boyfriend's eyes, "I just needed one. Just one. That's it. I know I shouldn't have. I'm back to square one, and I-I didn't want to. I don't know why I did it."

Josh listens intently, wanting to understand. He quickly realizes Tyler doesn't really understand himself.

"I'm sorry," Tyler mutters, his voice monotone.

Josh wipes a tear off the boy's cheek, "Baby, I'm proud of you. I love you, and I'm here for you. But, honey, please don't lie to me about this. You don't have to tell me something you're not comfortable with, that's what your meetings are for, but please, if you do decide to tell me something, just know that I want to help and I'll do everything I can to help you. I know you want to get better, and I know you know it won't happen overnight. It's a process, but you're not alone."

Tyler sniffles and rests his chin on Josh's arms, "I don't deserve you."

Pressing his forehead to Tyler's, Josh pecks his lips, "You deserve patience. You've been through enough in this world to deserve anything else."

Tyler shuts his eyes, enjoying Josh's company in the quiet room. He's hoping that if he focuses hard enough, he'll be able to hear Josh's thoughts. It's still a bit difficult to trust when someone is truly proud of him, especially after breaking a sober streak like he did. He loves Josh, and he knows Josh loves him. But that doesn't mean Josh is genuinely proud of him. Tyler isn't even proud of himself. He's ashamed, embarrassed, and he feels more guilty than anything for hurting Josh and his friends. Again.

Josh shuts his eyes as well before nuzzles his nose lightly against the brunette's making Tyler smile slightly. "Baby?"

"Hm?"

"What can I do to help you right now?"

"Take care of yourself."

"This isn't about me, honey," Josh states quietly, opening his eyes again to see Tyler already staring at him, his tired eyes holding an earnest emotion.

"Please, Josh," Tyler says, his voice at a normal speaking volume that Josh was not expecting. "Take care of yourself, okay? I've gone through this before with Dallon and Jenna, I see the signs. I watched how it affected them and I'm watching how it's affecting you."

"I don't know what you're talk-"

"You're more anxious than normal. You step on eggshells everytime you talk to me, whether you notice it or not. And you talk to me like I have a disease. And, yeah, while I might, it's driving me a little bit crazy, to be honest, having to be reminded that I can't drink while I'm trying to get my rocks off with my boyfriend," Tyler states with a small smirk, causing the other man to laugh.

"This isn't only about me," Tyler continues. "I'm thankful that you want to take care of me, baby, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too. That's how you can help me. Understand me?"

Josh nods solemnly, "Got it."

"Just...talk to me like you're my boyfriend. Stare at me like you've seen me naked. Kiss me like you wanna fuck me. And then fuck me like you just lost a game," he leans closer again with a whisper, his lips centimeters from the hockey player's, "Wearing only my skates."

Josh smiles with a peck to Tyler's lips. The smaller man squeals in surprise as Josh grabs his calves and pulls him closer, his legs spreading open as they rest on either side of the athlete.

-

Sunday
March 30

Tyler sits quietly as usual. He's been to a total of five and a half meetings out of the seven since he's started coming–the seventh one being tonight–and he has spoken at none of them. Ronnie hasn't paid him any mind either since the first meeting though and he's been wondering why, but won't dare to ask him.

Last night, Tyler drank. He felt so stupid for leaving the bottle cap on the counter for Josh to see. Having to see his boyfriend's eyes after finding it hurt Tyler a lot. And it hit something inside him, making him realize how Josh has been.

Josh is a mess. He's scared. Is Tyler scared? He doesn't have an answer, but thinking about the bottle cap, maybe he wanted Josh to find it. Realizing that, did make him scared. He feels gross about it, but eventually it got to a point where he just didn't want to talk about it and used sex to shut Josh up. It worked, but now he feels guilty.

Watching Josh the last two weeks made Tyler feel even more like shit. He thought about Dallon and Jenna a lot, and the affects his drinking had on them in the past. They went to Al-anon every week. They don't know he knows because they didn't want him to worry about them, but Chloe ended up letting it slip later on. This time, he sees Josh struggling and he wants him to know that it's okay to take care of himself, and that Tyler is just as worried about him as he is of Tyler.

He loves Josh. It took a long time, but Tyler realized who his chosen family is. Josh, Dallon, Cody, Jenna, and Chloe. And he wants to get better for his family.

Tyler sits up straight with a deep breath, his cheek between his teeth, as the Chair Leader, Jack, asks if anyone else would like to speak. Tyler's hand shoots up before he could think twice.

Jack looks at him with a surprise look, but smiles kindly nonetheless, "Yes. Go right ahead, the floor is yours."

With another breath, Tyler stands up, swallowing his anxiety. "Um," he clears his throat as the circle's eyes burn into his shaking frame. "Hi. I-I'm Tyler. Uh, 24. And I'm...I-I'm an alcoholic."

A quiet murmur of "Hello Tyler" fills the brunette's ears. Completely forgetting everything else he planned to say, he sits back down, hugging himself as he chews his cheek, anxiously.

Jack smiles politely, "It's nice to meet you, Tyler. We're happy you stuck around."

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