✔️ shadows of desire | downton abbey

chapter 23

THOMAS POV

The pain was unbearable, but knowing I was leaving the front brought a sliver of relief. All I wanted was to see Eden, to hold her and tell her everything was alright. But I couldn't. I had gotten her sacked.

The memory of that fateful day was crystal clear in my mind. I had just received my draft notice and had to deliver the news to Lord Grantham.

The library was empty when I walked in, the scent of old books mingling with the faint aroma of the polished wood. The room was quiet, a sanctuary of sorts, but my heart was pounding with anxiety.

"Your Lordship, I have received my draft notice. My training will begin in four weeks' time," I announced, standing stiffly before my employer.

Lord Grantham glanced at the letter, his expression inscrutable. "I see. Well, best of luck to you, Thomas. May fortune favor you. You will be greatly missed," he said.

I hesitated, knowing there was more I needed to address. "Is there anything else, Thomas?" His Lordship asked, sensing my reluctance.

"Yes," I began, taking a deep breath. "You know my sister Eden. She doesn't know about my draft notice, and I don't want her to. I fear Downton may not be as safe as it is now, and I worry about what might happen to her."

Lord Grantham looked thoughtful. "Miss Barrow is a fantastic addition to our staff. What do you propose?"

The weight of my decision pressed down on me as I spoke. "Sack her. It may be a loss now, but I believe you will find a suitable replacement. Eden is everything I have left, and if something were to happen to her, I'd have nothing left to fight for."

"What about your parents? You've mentioned your father's condition," His Lordship asked.

"Yes, my father is ill, but Eden won't need to provide for them any longer. I will take on that responsibility myself," I replied.

"You mean to tell me that Miss Barrow has been sending her earnings to support your family?" he asked, his voice tinged with surprise.

I nodded. "Yes, as have I, your Lordship."

Lord Grantham leaned back in his chair, considering my words. "I don't want to sack her without ensuring she has a place to go. The Levinsons are in America. Cora's family will surely take care of her and provide a proper place."

I felt a wave of relief. "Thank you, your Lordship. I want to keep Eden safe."

The letter was written, and Eden was sent away, but not without a heavy heart. I had made the choice to protect her, even if it meant losing her presence at Downton.

Back in the present, lying in my hospital bed, the stark scent of antiseptic filled my nostrils, mingling with the faint odor of blood and sweat. The sounds of groaning soldiers and distant shouts filled the air, creating a cacophony of suffering. The flashback left me feeling raw and vulnerable. Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I had sacrificed so much to keep Eden safe, and the pain of that choice cut deeper than any wound.

I let the tears flow freely, my body shaking with silent sobs. The weight of my decisions, the pain of separation, and the longing for my sister's safety all crashed down on me. I wept for the lost time, for the uncertainty of the future, and for the hope that I might one day see Eden again and make things right.

The tears continued to flow as I lay in the hospital bed, the ache in my heart more intense than the pain of my wounds. The scent of antiseptic and the murmurs of fellow soldiers surrounded me, a constant reminder of where I was. Lost in my sorrow, I barely noticed the nurse approaching until she spoke.