✔️ shadows of desire | downton abbey

chapter 40

As I followed Mr. Carson through the grand halls of Downton, his usual composed demeanor seemed touched with an edge of curiosity, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. His voice, deep and authoritative, echoed softly against the polished wood and stone. "What have you done this time?" he asked, his tone more inquisitive than accusatory.

I shrugged, feeling the cool air of the manor brushing against my skin. The truth was, I had no idea what warranted this particular summons. The scent of freshly polished furniture and a hint of lavender lingered in the air, as familiar as the ticking of the grand clock in the distance. Mr. Carson pushed open the heavy door to the library, its hinges creaking slightly.

"Your Lordship, Miss Barrow," Carson announced with his usual precision, stepping aside to allow me in.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the grand library, its shelves filled with the weight of history and knowledge. The room was bathed in the warm glow of the late afternoon sun streaming through the large windows. Lord Grantham sat by the hearth, flipping through some papers but looking up as I entered, his brow lifting slightly.

"Ah, perfect timing," he said with a genial smile, gesturing to the empty chair opposite him. "Please, sit. Some tea would be nice, don't you think?"

I hesitated for a moment, a ripple of nerves running through me as I sat down on the plush sofa. The leather creaked under my weight, and I folded my hands neatly in my lap. The door clicked shut behind me, the sound unnervingly final.

"You asked to see me, Your Lordship," I began, attempting a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. "However, I'm not sure why."

Lord Grantham set his papers aside and looked at me fully, his eyes softening. "Yes, I wanted to speak with you. After all, I hear you'll be part of the family soon." His smile grew, gentle but with the weight of expectation.

The nervous tension I had carried since entering melted away as I met his gaze, my hands relaxing. "I... suppose that's true," I admitted, glancing down with a small laugh.

"I see you've recovered well," he added, his voice a bit more serious now, though still kind.

I nodded. "Yes, I have. Thank you, Your Lordship. But I wouldn't have made it through without Matthew and Thomas... Mrs. Crawley and Dr. Clarkson said it was something of a miracle." The words felt heavy but filled with gratitude, recalling the feverish haze of those awful days.

Just then, the door opened with a soft click and Mr. Carson entered, a silver tray in hand, the soft clinking of porcelain breaking the silence. The familiar aroma of tea filled the room, warm and comforting. Carson set the tray down on the low table between us and poured the tea with his usual precision, handing each of us a cup before retreating silently once more.

Lord Grantham took a thoughtful sip, his eyes never leaving me. "It feels as though we hardly know you, Miss Barrow. Besides your time working here and being related to Thomas, I mean."

I set my cup down gently, the clink of china barely audible. "Are you sure you want to hear about me, Your Lordship?" I asked with a self-conscious laugh. "My story is hardly as refined or interesting as those of your daughters."

"Nonsense," he said with a wave of his hand, leaning back in his chair. "If you're to marry Matthew, then we must know more about you. After all, you'll be the future Countess of Grantham."

His words, despite their warmth, sent a nervous flutter through me, and I swallowed. "Well... I was born here in the village. My father was a clockmaker, and my mother worked as a teacher."

He nodded encouragingly, the crackling of the fire the only other sound in the room.

"I didn't have an easy childhood," I continued, my voice steady but quiet. "They didn't want me. After I was born, they left me on the church steps, hoping someone would take me in. They wanted a son. And they already had one."