✔️ shadows of desire | downton abbey

chapter 38

The streets of Thirsk bustled with life, even in the crisp chill of the early afternoon. The winter air carried the faint scent of smoke from the chimneys above, mingled with the earthy aroma of wet cobblestones from a recent drizzle. I pulled my coat tighter around me as I walked alongside Sybil and Tom, their presence as comforting as the wool scarf wrapped snugly around my neck.

We had come to the village under the pretense of a small outing, but it was clear this was more than just a leisurely stroll. Sybil, her cheeks flushed from the cold, kept glancing nervously over her shoulder, while Tom, ever vigilant, walked just a little too close to her for propriety's sake.

"And you're sure you're ready for this?" I asked quietly, keeping my voice low as I looked between the two of them.

Sybil hesitated, biting her lower lip, before nodding firmly. "We have to tell him, Eden. We can't keep living in this limbo. It's not fair to Tom." She glanced at him then, her blue eyes filled with a mixture of love and worry.

Tom gave her a reassuring smile, though I could see the tension in his jaw. "She's right. It's time. I know it won't be easy, but I'd rather face his anger now than live in secret forever."

I nodded, though my heart ached for them. "You're brave, both of you. But you know how he can be. Lord Grantham is... well, change isn't exactly his strong suit."

Tom chuckled dryly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "That's an understatement. But I've come to terms with the fact that he'll never see me as anything other than a chauffeur. What matters is that Sybil and I love each other, and I won't let anyone take that away from us."

Sybil smiled at him, her expression softening. "You've always been braver than I am, Tom."

I let out a small cough, trying to stifle it in my gloved hand. It was nothing, just a tickle in my throat from the cold air, but the sound made Sybil turn to me with concern.

"Are you alright, Eden?" she asked, her brow furrowing.

I waved her off with a faint smile. "I'm fine, Sybil. Just the weather, I suppose."

She didn't look convinced, but Tom cut in before she could press further. "Speaking of weather," he said, gesturing to the darkening clouds above, "we might want to finish up here before we get caught in the rain."

We turned a corner onto the quieter side of the village, where the shops were fewer and the chatter of townsfolk less frequent. It was here, away from prying ears, that our conversation shifted to the other storm brewing in our lives.

"Mary's been relentless, hasn't she?" Sybil said, her voice tinged with frustration. "I thought she might let go of her jealousy once she saw how happy you and Matthew are, but it seems to have made her worse."

I sighed, my breath visible in the frosty air. "She's not going to change, Sybil. She sees me as a threat to everything she's ever wanted, even if she doesn't love Matthew the way I do."

Tom frowned, his eyes narrowing. "She's always been like that, hasn't she? Thinking the world owes her everything. It's a shame, really. She's got everything she could want, and yet she still has to tear you down."

"She's afraid," I said quietly, surprising even myself. "Afraid of being left behind, of becoming irrelevant. That's what drives her. Not hatred for me, but fear of what I represent."

Sybil reached out, squeezing my arm gently. "You're too kind, Eden. Far kinder than she deserves."

I smiled faintly, though the weight of Mary's disdain still lingered in my heart. "I don't know if it's kindness, Sybil. It's just... understanding. I know what it's like to fight for something you think you'll never have. I just wish she could see that she doesn't have to fight me. Matthew loves her as family. He always will."