Rediscovering Us

What Do We Do Now?

K.Dynam!t3: "Sorry, the angle's awkward"

K.Dynam!t3: "Can't wait to see you, I bet you're gorjous"

K.Dynam!t3: "Gorgeous, I mean"

Kacchan. It's really Kacchan.

But he was so nice to me over text? Could we have gotten along this whole time? If I just weren't me?

I couldn't bring myself to respond to him. I hate to admit it but, I ghosted him. I couldn't even block him. Which only made it so much worse, because he kept messaging me for the next three days straight. Then it was every so often for the next two months. Then he gave up. I feel so bad, every time I see him in school, or I scroll past his username in Discord. But I just don't know what to do. Sure, he loves AllM!ght.l0ver, but he hates me, Izuku Midoriya me.

I noticed Kacchan seemed very out of it for months, and I can't blame him. Though, as soon as he was talking and interacting like normal, he started bullying me even more.

He even told me to "take a swan dive off the roof of the building" once. I wondered how he'd feel if I actually did.

I don't want to die, but I was just thinking, how would he react? Would he be happy? No, he's mean but he isn't cruel like that. But would he actually be upset? Would he regret it? I may not want to die, but I sure do think about it a lot now.

I got over that pretty quickly when I met All Might. So much happened that day. So much happened for months after that.

But in short, I got into UA high school, and I have a quirk. All Might's quirk. My idol's quirk. I'm a little excited.

Kacchan isn't bullying me anymore. He's mean and he's angry all the time, especially with me, but he's not bullying me. I don't know whether he's actually growing up or if it's just to avoid being expelled, but I'll take it either way.

He made friends with Kirishima. Or rather, Kirishima made friends with him, I'm not sure Kacchan knows how to make friends with people on his own, he relies a lot on people thinking he's cool.

I have friends now too, Uraraka and Iida. They're both great friends, and I'm glad I have them. I can't stop thinking about Kacchan though. Just the fact that he could have liked me all this time, but he bullied me. It's been messing with my head for a while now.

I'm currently in class, Aizawa's not here yet and so Ashido is ranting on with some of her friends, and most of the class is listening.

Except for Kacchan, and myself, I guess. Kacchan is seemingly staring off into space, he's not really looking anywhere. I'm looking at Kacchan.

I had debated dropping that nickname, but I decided against it. Though, I'm not sure why. I just think I've grown to really like it.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Kacchan standing up and turning to face me. I think he noticed my staring. Shit.

"What are you looking at, shitty nerd?" He says, he's walking up to my desk. Which feels unnecessary considering how close our desks already are, but I think he just thinks it's intimidating. It kinda is.

"Sorry, I just, uh, zoned out." I rush out in a hurry, looking up at him. I hate that he sort of scares me, he's Kacchan, I've known him my entire life and we used to be friends, at least I thought we were, I'm not sure Kacchan would have the same answer if you asked him though. 

"Well, don't. You shouldn't zone out in class anyway, dumbass." He's constantly annoyed with me and I hate that about him. He's gone to sit back at his desk, like I don't exist.

It gets me thinking sometimes, about how he was Dynamite that whole time, about how he loved me, about how he said he didn't understand bullying someone. Was he lying the entire time, or does he just hate me? Why was I the exception to him not liking bullying?

I couldn't even focus for half the class after Aizawa got there, my mind was clouded by Kacchan. Not all the thoughts were bad though, I have good memories with Kacchan, especially Dynamite, and I do still love him. Even if he hates me.

I didn't even realise when class ended, I was too caught up in my own thoughts, until I noticed I was the only one left in class. You'd think Uraraka or Iida would have said something, but they must not have noticed. That's alright though, they're busy people, and Uraraka would normally notice.

Going  home when I have nobody to talk to always feels like hours. My mum's not even home today, so I'll just be alone all day. 

Everything feels so empty when I get there, with my mum not there and all the lights off, it's lonely almost.

I choose to ignore that though, when I go to my room to write more analyses on All Might. I write them a lot faster now, I post about three or four a week, though I have no set schedule for them. Some weeks I'll only write a couple, I write a lot more on the bad days, they cheer me up. So, there's a part of me that hopes I'll go down to posting them once a week or so, it'd mean I'd be better. 

Kacchan reads them. He's accidentally liked them a few times. Though, he doesn't know it's me who writes them, of course. To him, I'm just Lover, or that's the nickname he came up with anyway. 

I keep writing until I'm too tired to anymore. I don't even eat dinner, I just go to bed. Which was probably stupid, since I didn't eat lunch today either. 

It's not like I don't want to eat or anything, I just forget. I've been forgetting a lot lately, with my zoning out and disassociating, it's been difficult to remember. 

Sleeping's been hard too, though I don't know why. 

It's like everything I need to do has been difficult lately, I do it anyway, of course. 

It's always a little depressing before I fall asleep.

----------------

The next morning I go straight to school after getting ready, normally I'd sit around for a bit but I woke up late. 

When I walk into class, I'm stopped by Ashido and Kirishima. 

"Midoriya! We wanted to make a class server on Discord." Ashido says, and Kirishima is holding a clipboard, as if this is a professional matter, and it's kind of funny. "What's your user? If you have one, that is."

"AllM!ght.l0ver" I tell them, without thinking, and Kirishima writes it down. 

I only realise what I've done once I'm sitting at my desk and I see Kacchan being asked the same question. 

Then I see Kirishima show Kacchan the list. The same list with my username on it, next to my full name. 

I see Kacchan's eyes widen before he quickly sits at his desk, avoiding looking at me like it's the plague. I can't blame him, though, I would too. Matter of fact, I did, when I first realised he was Dynamite, I wouldn't look at him for weeks. 

So, naturally, neither does Kacchan. He doesn't talk to me or look at me for about three weeks. 

And when he does, it's by dragging me away from the classroom by my wrist. I wouldn't expect any different from Kacchan though.