Inconceivable

FORTY-THREE

My eyes were still fixed up on the open sky, which seemed literally like an ocean above the earth, having the glitterings scattered all over.

I wasn't getting this, what the hell should be used to describe my current feeling?

Depressed? Sad? Lost?

Or am I feeling kinda

Different?.. So different that I really find it hard to give a name to the feeling.

Gosh, this is insane.

Finally managing to get up, I stretched my spine, making it emit some flicky noises, making it obvious.

There, I sat, doing nothing just blinking, breathing and thinking something that I, myself don't know what that's actually about.

Just a few moments ago, I was trying to end my life, by myself...

Just a few moments ago, I felt like dying rather than leading such a shitty life.

Just a few moments ago, I actually was going to die..

And now, I'm here sitting doing zero amount of deeds, completely hopeless.

There's a thing called 'tomorrow' , if you feel like dying today, just live for tomorrow and everything will be alright.

Those were the only words which were currently filling up my whole tensing session.

That Choi...

He's literally the one, always there for me. How the hell does he get in the perfect time?.. Gosh.

I don't know why, now I kinda think that he's right, like that's actually what it is, right? Ending my life won't actually change a single thing, all I can do is to live for tomorrow, everyday.

My knees curled up towards my front as I was resting my arms on them, still sitting on the ground.

A soft sigh emitted from my mouth, as the image of Yeonjun, being right under me suddenly flashed in front of my eyes..

Those enlarged foxy eyes, heavy pantings, little yells, unavoidable lips, flawlessly clear skin, long bangs resting on the forehead..

Wait, what's wrong with me..!

Tightly closing my eyes, I gulped on my saliva and another thing I could feel was the internal heat that was rising right on my cheek areas, sending burning sensation all over.

The fuck..

Using both of my palms, I put force on the ground, an attempt to get up. But I successfully landed on my butt once getting up the mid way and being interrupted by the same voice from before.

"Hey."

I hate to admit this but my butt is surely abused by the great fall. Gosh , he's here?

And throwing my eyes at him, I saw him standing there in front of me, so, he's actually here. Again.

"Oh, why did you fall? Are you okay? "- Yeonjun said and expanded his hands for me, maybe expecting me to actually take them.

Huh, never.

I swiftly got up by myself, refusing to hold his hands but I'm not sure, my heart didn't want this.. it literally... Wanted to hold him.

"Why didn't you leave yet? "- I managed to ask, being careful, not to look at his eyes, cause I don't think I'll be able to stay normal after doing that, at least for now.

Without even looking at him, I could say that his smile, or I can say, smirk was returned to it's place, which purely kinda disgusted me.

" How can I leave you? "