Inconceivable

FORTY-FOUR

"What are you gonna wear?"- as the high pitched voice went through my ears, my eyes became narrow gradually. It was excitement, a bit lot, that made the girl in front of me too much demented. It's for the actual fourth time she has asked this to me today.

"Calm down Nam-ra, you're getting hyper."- I dryly replied, confessing my zero interest in the matter she was genuinely interested in.

"But it is actually interesting, gurl! "- she exclaimed, hitting my arm in addition, getting my annoyance once again.

Gosh...

She has been acting like this from that moment when our class teacher informed us about something sort of 'porm party' or something like that, exactly creating up a completely loony girl beside me.

Well, what's so special about a prom party?...As long as I can remember, I've never been in one, so it isn't that much acquainted to me.

" Gosh, stop! "- I defended Nam-ra's another playful hit on my arm, holding both her hands together, keeping them on her lap, stopping her from doing any other moves.

" So, what are you gonna wear? "

And another pissed off sigh emitted from my mouth as I disappointedly kept glaring at her.

"Bikinis, I'm gonna wear them. "-I spoke out, completely unserious tone.

Nam-ra's jaw seemed to drop, probably not expecting something like that to be the answer, at least not from me.

Seeing her facial reaction, I couldn't stop. Bursting out laughing, I kept glancing at her, each time before closing my eyes, helping me to laugh properly.

" Are you serious? "- confusion, vulnerability and unsteadyness accompanied her voice as she waited for my reply.

Finally calming down, I spoke,

" Do I seem like I am? "

"Nah"

And then, both of us laughed so hard that at a point, we ended up hurting our respective stomachs.

°°°

Currently, I was heading to the library, which is the activity that is done by me the most these days . It literally has been a week since that day when I tried something shitty like , I mean the fucking 'suicide'.

It's not like I'm truly happy with my life right now that I'm saying things like that, it's just like I'm now trying to make every moment of my life ...beautiful? I guess that's it.

And about Yeonjun. I think something's wrong , definitely wrong..
No, it isn't something wrong not with him, but it is actually with me..

Like man, whenever he's around, I feel like all my confidence washes away, I become vulnerable in front of him and too much feel like demented. Yeah, truly demented.

At school, he always shows up on times when I don't want him to and also the times when I actually want him to. But I... Shouldn't be wanting this, should I?

I'm insane

As I reached the library, my eyes started roaming from one shelve to another. I've read many books in here from the beginning, and today, I was interested in something new.

As my eyes were swiping through the shelves, looking for a new book, it finally got caught in my sight.

And approaching the shelve, my disappointment ruled on my whole nerve system as the book was on high. On the upper shelve.