Chapter 5

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by _jaywish

by _jaywish

(A/N: Perfect song for this chapter)

15 January 2023

Days pass by, and it feels like I'm in a fog. Everyone in BTS is focusing on their solo careers, dropping singles and albums left and right, and here I am, stuck in a dilemma. My head is all jumbled, and I can't seem to find a topic to write about. I thought inspiration would strike, but the only thing swirling in my mind is Minseo. How did I get so hung up on someone I barely know?

I can't shake off the feeling. It's like she's lodged in my brain, and no matter how hard I try to push it away, I keep thinking about her calmness and beauty. I can't even write a decent song without her creeping back into my thoughts. I just need to figure this out.

So, I decide to meet up with Namjoon hyung. He's always been my rock, my inspiration- calm, collected, and logical. He's got this way of seeing the bigger picture that I admire, and I hope he can help me untangle my mess of feelings.

I find him at a cozy little café, the kind where the air smells like freshly brewed coffee, and the walls are lined with books. I order a black coffee- simple but strong- and take a seat across from him. "Hey, hyung," I say, trying to mask the weight on my chest.

Namjoon looks up from his notes and smiles. "Hey, Kookie. What's going on? You seem a bit out of it."

I chuckle, rubbing the back of my neck. "Yeah, it's just... I don't know. I feel like I'm disconnected from music, you know? Like being disconnected from my first love. It's weird."

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, his interest brimming. "Disconnected? What do you mean?"

I take a deep breath, trying to articulate what's been eating away at me without giving too much away. "I don't know... it's like I can't find the spark. I'm trying to write, but nothing comes. It's frustrating. It's almost like there's this barrier between me and the music I used to feel so connected to."

Namjoon nods, thoughtfully considering my words. "That makes sense. Music is such an emotional outlet. When you're feeling disconnected, it's hard to channel those feelings into something creative. Have you thought about what might be causing it?"

I shake my head, feeling a little lost. "Not really. I guess I'm just in my head too much lately. I'm trying to find a direction, but it feels like I'm running in circles."

He leans forward, his expression serious. "Sometimes, taking a step back can help. Why don't we go to the museum? Art has a way of inspiring us, connecting us to deeper feelings. Maybe seeing something beautiful will reignite that spark."

I perk up at the idea. "Yeah, that sounds good. I could use a change of scenery."

As we stroll through the museum, I'm amazed by the artworks surrounding us. Each piece tells a story, a world of emotions wrapped in colors and shapes. I let Namjoon guide me through the exhibits, and it's like each painting pulls something out of me. I can feel the energy shifting, my thoughts slowly becoming clearer.

"See that?" Namjoon points to a particularly striking piece, vibrant reds and blues swirling together. "Art speaks in a language of its own. It captures feelings that sometimes words can't express. What do you feel looking at that?"

I stare at the painting, trying to connect with it. "It feels chaotic but beautiful. Like... a storm, maybe. There's something powerful about it."

Namjoon smiles, encouraging. "Exactly. And think about it: chaos can lead to beauty. You might just need to embrace the messiness in your life right now to find inspiration."

We move on to the next exhibit, and I'm starting to feel more grounded. Maybe it's okay to not have everything figured out right now.

After a few hours, we grab some lunch, and I can feel a weight lifting. "Thanks, hyung," I say, grateful for his presence. "I think I needed this."

"Anytime, Kookie. Just remember, it's okay to take your time. Your creativity will come back; you just have to be patient with yourself."

Maybe, I think. I might need to meet someone else today as well.