Chapter 23

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by _jaywish

by _jaywish

(A/N: ARMY! Remember that Jungkook made this song on the spot- he put in all the feelings he had for us into lyrics and turned it into melody in 15 minutes. That's how special we are to him. You're so special, please know that. We love you.)

In between the darkness, there's ARMY.

I find myself going live more often. Sitting in front of the camera, talking to millions of people across the world. They make me feel seen, even when I feel invisible in my own life.

I smile at the screen, reading their comments, answering their questions. How are you, Jungkook? What's going on with your day?

"I'm okay," I say with a smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes. But they don't need to know the truth. They don't need to know that behind this smile is a heart that's breaking.

I wonder if she's watching.

Sometimes, when I go live, I catch myself glancing at the screen, searching for a familiar name. What if she's out there? What if, somewhere in the world, she's watching me right now? What if she's thinking about me too?

I talk to ARMY like they're the only thing holding me together, because, in a way, they are. When I'm with them, I don't have to think about her as much. I can focus on their love, their support, their endless energy that lifts me up when I feel like I'm drowning.

They ask about my music, about my workouts, about what I'm eating these days. I laugh and joke with them, keeping things light, but there's always that small voice in the back of my head.

Is she watching?