The Internship

Chapter Forty-Two

I didn't recover. 

I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't feel. 

I was supposed to still be visiting family; therefore, I wasn't expected to be at work, and I appreciated the time. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't feel the need to win him back, and it scared me. I think I knew it was time to let him go. I was causing too much pain, ultimately more than his father, and I think it made me afraid of myself. Afraid enough that I didn't want to be around him, to hurt him. I believed that it was one of my only good decisions lately.

I knew that I was lucky to have had him as long as I did. I was grateful for the time I was given. I just wished that I'd been smart enough to make it last. 

But I guess you can't force something that is never going to work out in the first place, right? No matter how badly you want it to, no matter how much you think you love them, it will not work if it is not supposed to. That is life.

Coming to that realization didn't make it hurt less, though. I had truly planned to spend the rest of my life with him. The ring was bought, the speech was made, the heart was ready. Or so I thought.

I had fallen for him quickly, and perhaps that was a majority of the problem. I loved him so much that I didn't consider complications. I didn't want to.

My phone began ringing and I was thoroughly surprised at who the call was coming from.

"Hello?" It was truly a question, because I wasn't expecting Kirstie to contact me.

"Scott?"

"Yeah? You know you called me, right?"

"Scott."

"Are you crying?"

"It's Mitch. Something happened."

-----

"I'm going to the cafeteria, you coming?"

"Scott?"

"Can he hear us?"

"I don't know."

"Please say something, Scott."

"Please?"

I couldn't recognize the voices. I couldn't proccess their words. I couldn't answer. I couldn't.

-----

"I'm sorry," Kirstie said. "If I had---I don't know, if I'd come home sooner, maybe I could've---"

"If I had treated him right maybe I could've."

"It wasn't your fault."

"You don't believe that."

"He did."

I turned to face her. "What was it like?"

"To find him?"

"Yeah."

"It was almost like it wasn't real. I didn't believe it."

"I'm sorry you had to be the one."

"It's okay. I'll never get the image out of my mind, but I think I was supposed to be the one. I don't know why."

"Was he scared?"

"What?"

"As he---I mean---"

"It's okay."

"Did he look scared?"

"No. He looked peaceful. I hate to say it, but I think he really wanted it."