Nameless Ghoul

Update Chapter: Imperfections

It's been over a year since I updated this fic, so I figured I should maybe post an update.
⚠️ There are mentions of dark thoughts and thoughts of self harm at the beginning, but hopefully the tooth-rotting fluff at the end will make up for it 🖤
Enjoy!

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Itzal glared at the skin of his wrist, fingers tracing along the healed-over scar that ran almost all of the way up to his inner elbow. He fought the compulsion to scratch at it, the itch from the many times it had healed over the years still fresh in his memory. The darkness that lived within him fought at the restraints he’d wrapped around it, and it whispered to him. A quick slash of claw and maybe he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. Wouldn’t have to fight anymore. Itzal scowled and gritted his teeth.

This past week had been a bad one. There hadn’t been any particular reason for it, but Itzal had been feeling... Well, his mind had not been kind to him. Old memories and insecurities had haunted him and he’d found himself pulling away from the others.  

And from Sunshine.  

He hated to admit that to himself, but it was the truth. 

She’d given him some space, knowing by now that sometimes this happened and there wasn’t really anything in particular she could do for him except be there when he needed her. As always, he was grateful, and he wondered what he’d ever done in his miserable life to deserve someone like her. 

Itzal sighed when he heard the door to the lair open and close. The sound of cheerful voices drifted down the corridor as Sunshine and her pack returned from their rehearsal. He sensed his other half approaching and it went some way towards making him feel a little less... Numb. 

A soft knock on his door sounded before it opened slowly. He breathed in Sunshine’s scent and glanced up when she stepped inside his room. She gave him a once over, brow crinkling, as if she didn’t like what she was seeing. A sad smile crept onto her lips and she closed the door gently behind her. 

“Hey, you,” she said, walking over to the window. The drapes were closed, and she hesitantly reached for them. “Do you mind if I open these? It’s a beautiful day.” 

Itzal shrugged. 

“I guess. Go ahead.” 

She pulled them open and smiled when the sun bathed her face in its warm glow. She was always so radiant and it made Itzal’s heart ache that he belonged to her. 

Sunshine turned to him, and he knew what was coming. 

“Do you want to talk about anything?” 

The seven words Itzal dreaded the most right then. 

He met her eyes and stayed quiet for a moment. He hated talking about this stuff. Secondo made him speak to Omega once every couple of weeks about Santos and about things that he found difficult, and although he recognised the discussions helped him, they felt like he was opening up old wounds, digging his claws in and ripping the memories free. Sometimes it felt like he would never heal from them. He growled a frustrated growl. 

The way he’d been feeling today, though? He realised he probably should talk to her, surprising himself at the progress. 

He shrugged again and dropped his eyes to his lap. He sat cross-legged on the sofa in his room, and glared once again at the arm that he’d been studying so intently just before she walked in.