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I barely remember the drive back

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I barely remember the drive back. My vision was blurred, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turned white.

The road stretched out in front of me, but I wasn't really seeing it.

Everything hurt—my chest, my head, my heart.

Every breath I took felt like it could break me apart.

Matteo's words echoed in my mind, over and over. "I don't need you to care for me. Just go home."

He didn't want me.

He didn't need me.

After everything, that's what it came down to. My hands shook as I parked the car, my breath ragged as I stumbled out and made my way into the house.

I didn't even bother turning on the lights. The darkness felt fitting. I could barely see the outline of the furniture as I made my way up to my room, my heart pounding in my ears.

It felt like I was suffocating—like the walls were closing in, and no matter what I did, I couldn't breathe.

I threw open the drawer beside my bed, and there it was.

That small blade I hadn't touched in years.

I'd promised myself I'd never go back to this.

I promised my grandmother. But tonight, I had nothing left.

What was the point? Matteo didn't want me. My family didn't care.

I was alone.

I sat on the floor, the blade in my hand, my heart racing. The first cut was quick, shallow, just enough to break the skin. But the sting—it pulled me back, made everything feel real for just a second.

For that brief moment, I could focus on something other than the crushing weight in my chest.

Another cut.

And another.

The tears were falling harder now, mixing with the blood. The pain wasn't enough to drown out everything I was feeling, but it was something.

It was a release.

I leaned back against the bed, the blade slipping from my fingers as my arms shook.

The blood dripped down my skin, staining the floor beneath me.

My mind was spinning, my vision fading in and out as the tears kept coming.

Maybe this was the only thing I had control over anymore.

The room started to blur, my eyelids growing heavy. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

The last thing I felt was the warm trickle down my arm, and then... darkness.

 darkness

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