Lemongrass and Sleep (A Clodagh Story)

Fable

TW (Read with caution, this chapter is heavy):

Weight talk
Being malnourished
Abuse
Suicidal ideations
Religious trauma
Emetohobia
Homophobia

Read with caution! Please reach out to someone if you need help!

We were walking back home from the shops. We had gotten some new clothes. They were matching shirts. The same style of shirt, just one was a deep forest green and mine was a muted baby pink. I loved them. We also got necklaces, they are heart ones. Matching from Limited Too. We could only afford the ones from Limited Too but they are cute! I love them alot. They don't say anything but one half is a pink and the other is a blue. We decided to wear the opposite of our colors so Sorscha was going to take pink and I was going to take blue. We wanted to be able to think of each other whenever we saw the necklace.

Everytime we walk home we pass my "parent's" house. It's just become another regular home in the neighborhood to me. I guess that's why I didn't realize him standing on the driveway with a beer in his hands as we kissed.

I only noticed him when I felt his arms wrap around my forearm and pulled me back from Sorscha. I tried to resist but his grip was tight and strong. The bag I Held from limited too fell onto the ground. Contents falling on the pavement. The shirts. The necklaces.

"What the hell are you doing!" He screams in my face. He was less than a foot from my face and yelling in it. His grip was still extremely tight.

Sorscha tried punch him or do some damage however a 38 year old, 210 lbs, 6'1, grown man has a lot more strength than a 13 year old who is only a few pounds over half of his and is 5'6 girl.

He kept yelling at me.
"Why have you sinned like this?!"
"You're going to rot in hell!"
"Is this the girl who turned you into sin."
"You guys are horrendous."
"The devil has touched you, we must cleanse you."

Sorscha, despite her best efforts, couldn't get him off of me. He continued to yell as he dragged me up the driveway. He opened the front door and shoved me inside. I fell to the ground on my knees. I don't know what happened when he closed the door on me. I just heard yelling. I hate to think that he's yelling at Sorscha all because of me.

I stood up, very wearily. I was anxious to the point where standing was difficult. I moved a away from the door, which ended up saving me from being a few inches from where he slammed the door open.

I heard it slam open and shut. I flinched. He continued to yell at me. Grabbing the cross from the wall and forcing me to hold it as he grabbed my phone. Sorscha's contact was the first one. Followed by Fia and Sorscha's dad.

He told me to keep the cross in my hand as I texted Sorscha.

He told me exactly what to type. I added some things that I knew would be painful to me if he found out, but it would help Sorscha feel at ease.

I proceeded to type what he wanted in my oen words.
*I know this is upsetting to hear and I know love like this is prohibited. So im so sorry but you have made me into a sinner.
Goodbye....
Ill never forget you but i must follow in the path.
Be grateful that I'm giving you this opportunity.
Back then it was accepted but its not now. Bye.* (Look at the start of every line.)

I wanted to cry. But I know that would make it worse. The house reeks of alcohol. Where is my "mother"?

I don't think she's home. I was tuning out his yells. I was until he took the cross from my hands. Dragged me to the dining room table, and put my hands on the table. He placed the cross on my hands which were right next to each other, palms down, and flat on the table.

He proceeded to grab a belt from the next room and slap my hand multiple times with a belt he found in his room until they were
Dry
Then red
Then cracking
Then bleeding

I wanted to wail in pain but couldn't. I let a couple tears roll down my cheeks but when he saw them he only hit harder.

He sent me to my room without cleaning the area. I used an old tshirt I had in my closet to soak up whatever blood had not dried up. I cried for hours until I couldn't anymore. I didn't have an alarm clock nor my phone anymore so I couldn't check the time.

He had locked the door from the outside. I was getting hungry but he never came to give me food.

I think I've been here for a week now. He gives me only one meal and that's the leftovers of dinner. I'm allowed to leave to use the bathroom but if I leave too much I'm punished.

Every night I dread this place. It was basically prison. I realized I was getting malnourished when I quietly stepped on the scale.

I had lost nearly 5 pounds in a week. I felt like throwing up. I had nothing in my stomach to throw up but I wanted to. I quickly put the scale back where it was and went back to the prison cell of a room.

I wonder if Sorscha is alright. Does her mom notice I'm gone? He couldn't get my bracelet off so luckily I still had it. I sobbed everytime I looked at it.

I want to be in her arms again. I want to hear her voice. I want to kiss her. I just want to be with her again.

Who knew that following love was going to be the most painful part of my life.

I wish I wasn't born. I wouldn't be such a burden. I wouldn't be in this situation. I want to go home. I want to be with Sorscha.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to live anymore or die.

So I got a pen and paper, just in case I made up my mind.