‘It was my fault’ He said ‘No, it isn't, it can't be’ I replied. ‘Wait Tira, let me explain please.’He took a pause and continued, ‘My dad and mom were fighting for a few days and the night before her accident i heard my mom telling my dad that she wants a divorce. It wasn't like my mother, i know she loved him and no matter how bad the situation is she always forgave him. My dad has made terrible mistakes and mother has always let go of them so when this time she asked for a divorce it didn't seem fair to me, it felt like she was the one breaking up the family. Next morning when I saw my dad, I told him that he should do something about the situation as I was not ready to be the kid of divorced parents, I was selfish. i asked my dad to give a surprise to my mom so that he could win her back and he agreed. The weather was not right and I forced her to go meet him in his office where he had set up a date for her on his terrace. She knew what I was up to and told me that she is not leaving dad so I don't have to do this anymore but I pushed her to go and then she went and never came back. I was the one who forced her because I was selfish.Before she was leaving i gave her a small note as she loved writing letters , and when the police found her, she was still holding that note, she was still holding on to me and i.. I killed her. Tears were streaming down his face but his voice didn't choke or break once. He was punishing himself by stopping himself from being vulnerable. It kills me that he is suffering so much and that too alone. He is carrying his grief and his regret alone on his shoulder, pretending that he is fine when is not. He took out his wallet and pulled out a note from it. It was the note he gave to his mother. He gave the note to me, it still had the faded red blood spots. I opened the note.
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The pencil writings faded a little but it was understandable. There was a drawing of the sun, moon and a star under which he had written his and his parents name. Dad under the sun, Ma under the moon and me under the star and it was followed by a note that said we are together forever. My heart ached at the misery he has experienced, he just wanted his family together. It was fate that led to the accident but he blames himself, calls him selfish when he only has been selfless. ‘It was such a sweet gesture Rivaan’. I said as I looked at him and handed back the note. Before he could say anything i continued, ‘This was not your fault, you just wanted your family, your parents together and there isn't anything selfish about it. You loved them and cared for them so how can you even think that you were selfish. You are loving, you are caring, you are kind, you are comforting Rivaan and you deserve all these things in return. It was fate that led to the unfortunate accident, you didn't do anything wrong and you have to stop eating all the blame’. ‘She should have divorced him, he is a shitty person. I didnt let her do that and now… Now she is not here Tira.’ He wiped his tears and put the note in his pocket and looked forward, towards the river.I went up, stood in front of him and lifted his face with my fingers and placed them on his cheeks and said, ‘Please Rivaan trust me, for once? It's not your fault, sometimes blaming yourself might feel better as it looks like it lessen the pain by replacing it with guilt but it doesn't, the pain is still there and the only thing you can do is feel it,but you don't have to do it alone, i'm here with you, we will share it, please share your pain with me. Please let it go , you are fine , your mom is proud of you, I'm proud of you, Just let it go please’. I said as I gave him a hug. He held onto me with a firm grip and this time it was not just silent tears, he was crying, he was letting it go, he was forgiving himself.
