there she goes - jschlatt

breaking through

the following week was a whirlwind of activity, a blend of excitement and uncertainty. with each new episode of my podcast, my confidence grew, but beneath that surface lay a tangle of doubts that I was struggling to unravel. as I sat in my small apartment, surrounded by recording equipment and notes, I felt the weight of my ambitions pressing down on me.

that morning, I decided to tackle something I had been avoiding: recording a solo episode. I wanted to share my journey, the ups and downs, and what had led me to this point. it was terrifying. opening up about my struggles felt like exposing my soul, but I knew it was essential to connect with my listeners on a deeper level.

I set up my microphone, the familiar hum of the equipment grounding me. "okay, you can do this," I whispered to myself, trying to channel the encouraging words tucker had shared. I took a deep breath and pressed record.

"hi everyone, it's charlotte," I started, my voice wavering slightly. "today, I want to talk about something personal. I've spent a lot of time questioning my worth and whether my voice matters in this crowded space. and honestly, it's been a journey. some days, I feel like I'm on top of the world, and other days, I wonder if I'm just shouting into the void."

as I spoke, I felt a weight lifting. I shared my experiences, the moments of self-doubt, and the support I had received from tucker and the others. then, I delved deeper into my past, touching on subjects I had long kept hidden.

"for years, I struggled with the impact of addiction. I watched someone I loved spiral down a dark path, and it broke me. seeing the person you care about slipping away, losing themselves to substances, is a feeling that words can't quite capture. I felt powerless, helpless, like I was standing on the shore watching a storm take everything away."

my voice shook as I continued. "in the midst of that chaos, I found myself in a toxic relationship. it was a whirlwind romance that left me feeling trapped. I thought love would save him, but it only led me deeper into despair. I lost sight of who I was, trying to hold onto someone who didn't want to be saved. I finally realized that I had to let go, not just of him but of the pain and the fear that had consumed me."

I paused, letting the weight of my words hang in the air. sharing these experiences was cathartic but also frightening. "it took time, therapy, and a lot of hard work to rebuild my life. I learned that it's okay to ask for help and that vulnerability isn't a weakness. it's a strength. I started this podcast not just to share my story, but to create a space where others can feel safe to share theirs too."

after hitting stop, I sat back, the adrenaline still buzzing in my veins. I felt accomplished but also exposed, as if I had peeled back layers I had carefully constructed over the years. I wanted to share this episode with everyone, but I hesitated, knowing that opening up like this meant risking judgment.my phone buzzed, interrupting my thoughts. it was a message from tucker.

"hey! your last episode was amazing. really loved how honest you were. keep it up! let's grab coffee soon?"

a warm feeling spread through me. tucker's support felt like a lifeline, and I couldn't wait to share my excitement and anxieties with him. I quickly replied, arranging to meet the next day.that night, as I lay in bed, I found my thoughts drifting back to schlatt. it was a strange mix of frustration and fascination. his comments cut deep, but there was also a part of me that appreciated the challenge. I felt compelled to prove him wrong, to show him—and myself—that I could carve my own path.

the next morning, I met tucker at our favorite café, the aroma of coffee filling the air as I walked in. he was already seated, a warm smile lighting up his face.

"hey, charlotte! you look energized," he said as I approached."thanks! I just recorded a solo episode, and I'm feeling pretty good about it," I replied, my excitement bubbling over."that's awesome! what was the topic?" he asked, leaning in with genuine interest."I talked about my journey, including my experiences with addiction and that bad relationship. I want people to know they're not alone in their struggles," I admitted, feeling a mixture of excitement and apprehension.tucker raised an eyebrow. "really? how did that go?"

I took a sip of my coffee, gathering my thoughts. "well, I shared how watching someone I cared about struggle with addiction impacted me. and how I found myself in a relationship that only added to the chaos. it was hard to talk about, but I feel like it's necessary."tucker nodded thoughtfully. "that's a powerful way to look at it. sharing your pain can help others heal, too. just be careful not to let it consume you.""I know, and I'm trying to find that balance," I replied, feeling the weight of his words. "but honestly, it's hard not to be affected by what he says."we talked about my episode, and tucker encouraged me to keep sharing my journey. I could feel the warmth of his support wrapping around me like a cozy blanket. for the first time in a while, I felt a sense of clarity about my path.

after our coffee date, I returned home, invigorated and ready to tackle my next episode. I spent hours brainstorming ideas, jotting down notes, and refining my vision. I was determined to create content that resonated with others, and more importantly, content that felt true to me.later that evening, I sat down to edit my latest episode, feeling proud of what I had created. just as I was finishing up, my phone buzzed with a message. it was schlatt."listened to your latest episode. not bad. still think you need to toughen up, though."his message hit me in a whirlwind of emotions. part of me wanted to respond with sarcasm, but another part felt a strange sense of validation. he had listened. maybe there was something about my journey that intrigued him, even if he wouldn't admit it outright.

I took a deep breath and decided to respond. "thanks for listening. maybe I will toughen up, but I'm not here to be a hard-ass. I want to be real."a few moments later, his reply popped up. "real is fine, but don't expect everyone to hold your hand. the world's a tough place. keep that in mind."his words resonated, both irritating and motivating me. it was like he had a way of pushing me just enough to spark something inside me. as much as I didn't want to admit it, I appreciated the challenge he posed.I spent the rest of the night editing my episode, fueled by a newfound determination. I was ready to break through the barriers I had built around myself, to embrace vulnerability while also standing firm in my strength.as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't shake the feeling that this journey was just beginning. I was carving out my voice, and with every step forward, I felt the slow burn between me and schlatt intensify. it was complicated, frustrating, and yet, somehow, thrilling.