there she goes - jschlatt

moments of clarity

the days that followed felt charged with anticipation. schlatt and i had agreed to meet up again, and my heart raced with every text we exchanged. it was a strange blend of excitement and anxiety, each conversation peeling back another layer of the wall i had built around myself.when the day finally arrived, i spent what felt like an eternity deciding what to wear. after multiple outfit changes, i settled on a simple oversized sweater and jeans—comfortable yet cozy. it felt right for a casual meet-up, especially given the intimate conversations we had been having. as i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i took a deep breath, reminding myself to stay true to who i was. this wasn't just about impressing him; it was about being honest.

we decided to meet at a small café known for its coffee and pastries. it was a charming place with rustic décor and the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the air. as i walked in, i spotted schlatt at a corner table, his eyes scanning the menu. he looked relaxed, a stark contrast to the man who often exuded an air of bravado.

"hey, you made it!" he greeted me with a smile that sent a flutter through my stomach. "wouldn't miss it," i replied, settling into the chair across from him. we exchanged pleasantries, and as we both ordered, the comfortable rhythm of conversation began to flow. it felt natural, as if we were old friends catching up rather than two people navigating the complexity of new emotions.

"so, what's your go-to order?" he asked, leaning back in his chair, a teasing grin on his face.

"i'm a sucker for a good mocha," i admitted, feeling my cheeks warm slightly. "but i'm also curious about what you'll get. you seem like the type to go for something bold."

"you know me too well," he said with a chuckle. "i'll take a black coffee, thanks. keep it simple.""classic," i replied, impressed.

after a few moments of small talk, the atmosphere shifted, becoming more serious. "so, how have you been feeling since our last chat?" he asked, his gaze steady.

"i've been reflecting a lot. it's been freeing to talk about my past, you know? sharing my experiences on the podcast has helped me process everything," i said, surprised at how easily the words flowed.

"i get that. it's not easy to open up, but it sounds like you're doing it for the right reasons," he said, leaning forward, his interest piqued.

"yeah, i guess so. but it also makes me confront some difficult truths. like how my past has shaped my relationships," i replied, my voice low.

"relationships are tricky. trust can take years to build and just moments to break," he remarked, a hint of something darker in his tone."exactly. i've struggled with that a lot," i admitted. "my last relationship was... complicated. it wasn't just complicated; it was toxic. he was abusive, and it left scars that I'm still trying to heal from."

the words hung between us, heavy with the weight of my admission. schlatt's expression shifted to one of concern, and I could see the walls I'd built beginning to crumble. "i'm sorry to hear that. it sounds rough."

"it was. he made me feel small, like I didn't matter," I continued, feeling the familiar ache in my chest. "it took me a long time to recognize that what I went through wasn't normal. now, every time I feel someone getting close, I panic. I'm scared of falling into that pattern again.""that's completely valid," he replied, his voice gentle. "but it's also important to remember that not everyone is like him. you deserve better than that."

his words felt like a lifeline, a reassurance that maybe I could allow myself to be vulnerable again. "it's just hard. I want to connect, but the fear of being hurt again looms over me like a shadow," I said, the vulnerability spilling out with each word."i get it," he said, leaning in. "it's easier to push people away than to let them get close. but sometimes, you need to take that risk, even when it feels impossible.""how do you do that? how do you break down those walls?" I asked, feeling more comfortable in this conversation.

"i guess it starts with being honest about your feelings. sometimes, it helps to acknowledge what scares you. like, right now, i'm trying to figure out why i'm even angry with you," he said, his expression serious.

"angry? i didn't think you were," I said, surprised.

"maybe angry is the wrong word. frustrated is more like it. i see you, and it makes me feel things i'm not used to feeling," he confessed, his voice low and raw.

"like what?" I asked, my heart racing.

"like i care, and that scares the hell out of me," he admitted, his vulnerability surprising me.i took a moment to process his words, my mind racing. there was something incredibly powerful in his honesty, and it made me feel seen in a way i hadn't expected. "i care too, schlatt. it's terrifying, but i can't help it."

he leaned closer, his expression softening. "so where do we go from here?""i guess we take it one step at a time," i suggested, my voice barely above a whisper."yeah, one step at a time," he echoed, and in that moment, the connection between us deepened.

the conversation shifted again, weaving in and out of light banter and serious discussions. we laughed about silly things, shared stories from our pasts, and the tension began to feel less overwhelming and more like an exciting challenge.

as the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm glow through the café's windows, i felt a sense of clarity settling within me. i wanted to explore whatever this was between us, to navigate the complexities and uncertainties together. it wouldn't be easy, but then again, nothing worth pursuing ever was.

as we wrapped up our coffee date, schlatt suggested a walk in the nearby park. "we can continue this chat without the pressure of the café," he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief."sounds good to me," i replied, feeling exhilarated.

the park was alive with colors as the sun began to set, casting a golden hue across the grass. we strolled side by side, the conversation flowing easily as we explored the trails. with every step, i could feel the tension between us shifting, the uncertainty melting away into something more tangible.

"you know," he said, breaking the comfortable silence, "i never thought i'd find someone who gets it. who understands the weight of the past while still being hopeful about the future."i looked at him, a mix of gratitude and curiosity swirling within me. "it's nice to feel understood. it makes all the difference."

"i'm glad we found each other," he said, a sincere look crossing his face.in that moment, everything felt possible. as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and orange, i realized that we were on the precipice of something profound. whatever was unfolding between us was a journey worth taking, a slow burn that ignited with every shared moment.

i took a deep breath, the cool evening air filling my lungs, and with it came the realization that i was ready to embrace whatever lay ahead.