there she goes - jschlatt

behind the mask

from schlatts perspective

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

i stared at my phone, the screen lit up with charlotte's latest episode still fresh in my mind. the way she poured her heart out, discussing addiction and her past, was both impressive and irritating. i didn't know why it bothered me so much. maybe it was the vulnerability she displayed, the kind of honesty that made me squirm in my own skin.

"you're not a therapist, schlatt," i muttered to myself, tossing the phone onto my bed. i had always prided myself on being straightforward, but charlotte's openness forced me to confront my own facade. the last thing i wanted was to become someone's emotional crutch, yet there was something compelling about her willingness to lay it all out there. it was like she saw the world in technicolor while i operated in shades of gray.

i leaned back in my chair, running a hand through my hair. she had a way of getting under my skin. most people just brushed off the serious stuff, but charlotte confronted it head-on. it made me think of my own past—how i learned to bury things deep down, to laugh it off and pretend everything was fine. after all, who wanted to hear about my struggles? i wasn't looking for pity or a therapist; i just wanted to keep moving.

i glanced at the clock. it was almost time to meet up with tucker and the others for our usual game night. i had invited charlotte along, more out of curiosity than anything else. part of me wanted to see how she interacted with the group, how she fit in. i could already picture her at the table, laughing and engaging while my internal monologue raged on.when i arrived at the venue, the atmosphere was lively. tucker was already there, chatting with the others. as i walked in, i caught a glimpse of charlotte leaning against the bar, a drink in hand. she looked so relaxed, her laughter ringing through the air like music.

"hey, look who decided to show up!" tucker called, waving me over. "yeah, yeah, don't get too excited," i shot back, trying to mask the slight flutter of nerves in my stomach. i didn't get nervous. that wasn't my style.

as i approached, charlotte turned her head, her smile widening. "hey, schlatt! thanks for inviting me," she said, her eyes sparkling with genuine warmth."don't mention it," i replied, my voice more curt than intended. i felt the urge to soften my tone, to engage with her more, but something held me back. maybe it was that nagging voice in my head that warned against getting too close.

the game began, and charlotte quickly fell into the rhythm with the group. she was competitive, teasing tucker as he struggled to make a shot. the way she interacted with everyone made me realize just how good she was at building connections. it was both impressive and infuriating. as we played pool, the moment arrived that left me feeling both thrilled and confused. charlotte bent over the table to take her shot, completely focused on the game. without thinking, i found myself moving behind her, almost instinctively, to give her some advice on her form. i didn't mean to get too close, but the proximity sent a strange jolt through me.

"you need to follow through with your shot," i said, my voice gruff. but as i watched her concentrate, a mix of admiration and annoyance washed over me. she was focused, yet she seemed to thrive in this moment, like she belonged here more than i did. she glanced back at me, her expression a mix of concentration and surprise. "thanks, schlatt. but i think i've got this," she replied, determination lacing her voice.

i smirked, hiding my discomfort behind sarcasm. "sure, if you want to miss the shot, go ahead."i didn't know why i was acting this way, why i felt the need to push her buttons. maybe it was my way of keeping her at arm's length, of not letting her see the mess i really was. but the truth was, the more i observed her, the more intrigued i became. her resilience was something i admired, but it also scared me.

throughout the night, i caught glimpses of her in conversation with tucker and the others. she was effortless in her connections, easily sharing bits of her life that struck a chord with everyone. it made me feel more distant, like an outsider in my own circle.

as the game progressed, i found myself at a crossroads. i could either continue to wear my mask, pretending to be the tough guy with no feelings, or i could lean into this strange attraction and curiosity about her.

when the night ended, and everyone began to disperse, i felt a sense of reluctance settle in my chest. charlotte was gathering her things, her laughter echoing in my mind. "thanks for the invite, schlatt. i had a blast," she said, her eyes shining with genuine appreciation."yeah, don't get used to it," i replied, trying to keep my tone light, but inside, something felt heavy. as i watched her walk away, i couldn't shake the feeling that i was losing grip on something important. the mix of admiration and annoyance swirled within me, leaving me questioning my own motives. who was i to her? just another face in the crowd, or something more? i turned back to the venue, ready to drown my thoughts in a drink, but part of me knew that charlotte had already begun to peel away the layers of my carefully constructed facade. the slow burn of this connection was simmering just beneath the surface, and for the first time, i wasn't sure if that scared me or thrilled me.