there she goes - jschlatt

uncertainty

 the days following game night felt like a whirlwind. i replayed the moments with schlatt over and over in my mind, trying to dissect every word, every glance, every fleeting touch. it was a strange mix of exhilaration and confusion that left me both energized and on edge.

i was sitting in my favorite coffee shop, the familiar aroma of roasted beans wrapping around me like a warm blanket. my laptop was open in front of me, but the words i wanted to write eluded me. instead, my mind wandered back to schlatt, that playful smirk he wore when he teased me, and the way he stood too close when he gave me advice on my shot. i could still feel the warmth of his presence, a reminder of how complicated this all felt.

"hey, earth to charlotte!" tucker's voice pulled me back to reality. he slid into the seat across from me, a wide grin on his face. "you've been staring at that screen for ages. what's going on in that head of yours?""oh, just... thinking about the next episode," i said, trying to deflect the conversation. i didn't want to dive into the chaotic thoughts swirling around in my mind regarding schlatt.

"right," he said, raising an eyebrow. "you've been doing a lot of that lately. you sure it's just the podcast?"my heart raced. "what do you mean?"

"i mean, you and schlatt. there's definitely something there. you two had a moment during pool the other night," he said, leaning in closer, a knowing smile playing on his lips."we had a moment?" i echoed, trying to mask my surprise. "i mean, we were just playing a game."

"come on, charlotte. it's more than that. you're not fooling anyone. i've seen the way you look at him," tucker replied, his tone teasing yet sincere.i couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, but the truth was, i was grappling with my feelings. schlatt was infuriating at times, his sarcasm often leaving me confused and frustrated. yet, there was something magnetic about him, a pull that kept me intrigued despite my better judgment."it's complicated," i finally admitted, leaning back in my chair. "he's so... abrasive. one minute he's mocking me, and the next, he's standing too close, and it throws me off."

tucker chuckled, clearly enjoying the drama. "well, that's schlatt for you. he has a way of pushing people away while drawing them in at the same time. it's infuriating but kind of fascinating.""fascinating is one way to put it," i murmured, sipping my coffee. "i just don't know what he really thinks of me. one moment, it feels like he cares, and the next, he's all sarcasm and attitude."tucker nodded thoughtfully. "it sounds like he's dealing with his own stuff. maybe he's not used to being vulnerable, just like you.""maybe," i said, considering his words. "but it's frustrating. i want to understand him, to know why he acts the way he does, but he's so guarded.""you're both a bit of a mess, huh?" tucker teased, and we both laughed. but beneath the laughter, there was a kernel of truth. we were navigating our own pasts, trying to find our way through the chaos of emotions and expectations.

as we talked, i found myself drifting back to the idea of vulnerability. i had opened up about my struggles on my podcast, and yet, with schlatt, i felt like i was stumbling through a fog. he was a puzzle, one i wanted to solve but also feared.

the rest of our conversation flowed easily, but the topic of schlatt lingered in the air, unspoken yet palpable. as we wrapped up our coffee date, tucker leaned across the table, his expression serious. "just be honest with him. it might be the only way to break through that tough exterior.""easier said than done," i replied, but the seed of an idea took root in my mind. what if i tried to reach out to him more directly? what if i could find a way to break through his barriers, just like he was trying to break through mine?

after saying goodbye to tucker, i headed home, my mind racing with possibilities. that evening, as i settled in to work on my podcast, i decided to revisit the theme of vulnerability in my next episode. maybe sharing more of my own journey would help me understand both myself and schlatt better.

i took a deep breath, opening a blank document. "this is for you, schlatt," i murmured, knowing that somewhere in the back of my mind, i was hoping he would listen and maybe, just maybe, hear me out.

as i typed, the words flowed freely, capturing the essence of my experiences, my fears, and my hopes. in that moment, i felt a sense of clarity wash over me. vulnerability might be the key to not only my growth but also to understanding the complicated man who had somehow managed to weave himself into my life.with each keystroke, i could feel the flame between us flickering, a tension that was neither simple nor straightforward. and in the midst of that uncertainty, i found solace in the fact that i was willing to face it head-on.