there she goes - jschlatt

blurred lines

the sound of glasses clinking, the hum of laughter, and the low murmur of conversation filled the air around me. the bar was crowded, as usual, but something felt different tonight. maybe it was me. i sat at the table with ted and tucker, laughing at some dumb joke tucker made about getting canceled again, but my mind kept drifting to schlatt. he was standing a few feet away, deep in conversation with sierra.

sierra stood there, blonde hair cascading perfectly over her shoulders, wearing her usual basic, trendy outfit—nothing like me. i tugged at the hem of my oversized sweater, feeling a bit out of place in my own skin. black hair, heavy eyeliner, skirts with tights and  i was used to standing out, but right now, watching schlatt laugh with her, i couldn't help but feel small.

i wasn't jealous. or at least, i didn't want to be. schlatt could talk to whoever he wanted, right? still, there was something about the way sierra leaned into him, her hand brushing his arm every now and then, that made my stomach twist. i looked away, forcing myself to focus on the conversation at the table.

"you alright, char?" ted asked, noticing my distraction.

"yeah," i lied, giving him a small smile. "just tired."

ted nodded, clearly unconvinced, but he didn't press. tucker was too busy ranting about something else to notice, thank god.

just then, schlatt walked back to the table, sierra trailing behind him. she took a seat on the other side of him, practically glued to his side, while he slid into the booth next to me. i could smell the alcohol on him—he'd been drinking more than usual tonight.

"you good?" schlatt asked, his tone gruff, but there was a flicker of concern in his eyes.

"yeah," i nodded quickly, feeling the tension between us. i wanted to say something about sierra, or ask him why he was acting so distant lately, but i swallowed the words.

"cool," he muttered, turning his attention back to ted and tucker. they were talking about the next podcast episode, brainstorming ideas for guests and bits. i tried to focus, but i couldn't shake the feeling in my chest.

then it happened.

schlatt reached for his drink, taking a long sip. something about the way he did it, so casual, so careless, hit me harder than it should have. i knew it was stupid, irrational even, but my mind flashed back to my ex. the way he used to drink. the way his laughter would turn into shouting. the way things would go from fine to terrifying in a matter of minutes.

my heart raced, and i tried to calm myself down. schlatt wasn't him. schlatt wouldn't hurt me. but the fear was there, gnawing at the edges of my mind. and the worst part was, schlatt had no idea what he was doing to me. he probably thought i was just being weird or quiet tonight. he didn't know about the nights i spent crying, hiding from the person i used to love.

"charlotte?" schlatt's voice pulled me back to the present. he was looking at me, frowning slightly.

"yeah?" i asked, my voice a little too quick, too sharp.

"you sure you're good?" he asked again, this time more insistent.

i hesitated, feeling the weight of his question. i could tell him the truth. i could tell him that the sight of him drinking, of sierra clinging to his side, made me feel like i was slipping back into a nightmare. but i didn't. instead, i forced a smile, the same one i'd perfected for years.

"yeah, i'm fine," i lied again.

schlatt didn't look convinced, but he shrugged it off. "whatever," he mumbled, taking another drink. the conversation moved on, and i sank further into my own thoughts.

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♯┆authors note .ᐟ  

hi! this is a short little chapter, but you'll see how it ties together soon

hehe