Curse of the Werebottom

Chapter 12

At nine thirty that evening Roberto's, Diddlesbury's finest (and only) Italian restaurant was prepared for a very special evening indeed. Roberto himself was putting the finishing touches to the table, ensuring that all six places were immaculately laid out and presented. The organiser from the National Newspaper, The Herald, had stated in their emails that they were organising a candlelit supper for the most influential and most celebrated members of the town to assist them in constructing a story titled, "The Essential People in Modern Society". They had explained further that after months of extensive and hidden research and monitoring, they had observed the functioning of Diddlesbury and its occupants. After careful consideration, they had selected who they believed to be the five most important members of the town and wished to interview them together and discuss publication, payments, book deals, advertising slots and the like. It had even been suggested that if Roberto allowed the use of his prestigious private dining room, behind the usual restaurant area to allow them complete comfort and privacy, he too could benefit financially from the story in some way!

With a flourish Roberto whipped each serviette off the table and professionally folded it into a shell like pattern before placing it back at the setting in perfect alignment with the rest of the cutlery and the sparkling clean wine glasses.

He was disturbed just as he was finishing by his Head Waiter, Jo-Jo. She politely informed him that his guests had arrived, had been welcomed to the establishment and had their coats taken for safekeeping whilst they enjoyed their pre-meal drink. He nodded in response and placed his most welcoming smile on his face before rushing to greet them and escort them to his private function room.

He was disappointed that the organiser had yet to arrive, but being the perfect host, he led the remaining five guests into the private dining area and made them all comfortable at the table whilst they engaged in polite chit chat.

The Major soon asserted his authority over the group and took charge of the introductions. Everyshop Bob was well known and regarded by them all and helped the conversation to flow between them They soon found common interests to discuss such as the many benefits from being self-employed (Cherrie and Bernard Faith were very eager to discuss their good fortune regarding their financial health!) to a mutual regard for horticulture. Mary Miggins was quite taken with the Major's advice on behaviour management of unruly subordinates and with the help of a little glass of wine, she too found herself relaxing with the other important guests of the celebratory dinner.

Roberto only left them after he had refilled all their glasses of deceptively cheap wine and when he was sure they were all happy and comfortable. He retreated through the front of the restaurant and spent a couple of minutes peering up and down the street, expecting the overdue journalist at any moment.

He wasn't sure if he heard the loud crash coming from behind him in the restaurant of from around the back of the building, but he followed his instincts to protect his business and rushed back into the dining area. All the guests were sat in silence as the remnants of an extremely loud trumping sound was finally fading into silence. Roberto shot a look at his Head Waiter, who quickly replied, "It came from the function room!"

They both raced through the tables towards the double doors that led to the private room and broke through them both at exactly the same time. They were met with a sight that was as gruesome and troubling as it was disturbing and inexplicable. One of the double fire escape doors at the far end of the luxurious room was banging in the evening breeze whilst its partner was laid inside the room, its hinges smashed clean off the door frame.

Roberto and Jo Jo clasped one hand over their noses and the other hand over their eyes to try and protect themselves from the sudden impact of the air in the room. There was a faint green mist hanging in the air, along with the most putrid and foul smelling stench that they had ever experienced. The Major, Mr and Mrs Faith and Bob were all frozen stiff in their seats, their faces contorted in expressions of shock, fear and disgust. In addition to this, their faces and their exposed limbs were continuing to ever so gradually take on the green colour of a banana that has yet to ripen.

As Roberto and Jo Jo made their retreat from the room they became aware that from behind the heavy red velvet curtains that decorated the sides of the function room came a loud retching and coughing sound. Mary Miggles, stumbled out from around the curtain, she was unsteady on her feet and was just about to fall to the ground when Roberto and Jo Jo took an arm each and half dragged and half carried her out of the room. They all fell in a pile in the restaurant dining area and looked up to see a scene of carnage and destruction. The polluted air had escaped through from the private area and attacked all the diners along with the restaurant staff. Some were on all fours on the ground, whilst others were draped over tables or chairs. Some were futilely hiding underneath the tables, but they too were coughing and spluttering violently, unable to escape the repugnant gas. Almost at once, everyone in the building finally succumbed to the evil fumes and began vomiting over their fine clothes and shoes and Roberto's fine carpets and tablecloths.

Roberto had withdrawn into a state of shock and he stared open eyed all around the room until his gaze fell back on Mrs Miggins. She returned his gape with a face as equally as bewildered and spluttered between bouts of dry heaving and coughing, "It burst right through the doors and attacked us! As big as a grown man! A huge bulging pink round brute, but it was marked. It had a strange reg!"

She then finally managed to utter before she passed out, "I actually think it was a big, smelly human bottom!"