Anxiety| Shawn mendes

f i v e

Go get some tissues for this one😘
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Melanie's POV

Only a couple more days until Shawn comes back from his signing. Why am I keeping count? I guess that's how pathetic and lonely I am. I sat in my chair still watching the snowflakes as I ran my comb through my hair millions of times. This winter break has been really depressing. The thought of going back to school after what Danny said was even more depressing.

Shawn might not to be my friend anymore after he finds out my even worse reputation at Hunter Hill High School. I started thinking of how selfish it would be to bring Shawn down with me. Maybe I should stop talking to him. It would be embarrassing to hang out with the loser of the school. I wasn't actually the loser of the school, in fact this boy named Evan was. Maybe I could be friends with him. XD

Is there any way of possibly fitting into this school. I thought through how many group there were. Popular girls: No, definatley no. Jocks girl: NOPE. Hippie Group: They would never accept a person like me. Emo: Meh. Normal Group: HAHAHAH no.

WAIT NO. Brain don't stop thinking of more groups. Work your stupid engine. Don't tell me I'll have to be apart of the "Emo" group. I know thought of that as offensive. don't get me wrong I looove emos. Okay that sounded weird, but they aren't my type. I know I've gone through some disorders in my life but I hadn't dare to wear my hair like that. Maybe I have had a few scars. Maybe recent this week maybe not. All that matters is the people around me are happy.

I only have so many people to make happy it's kind of easy. I scrolled through my kik contacts.

Rod😈- the Emo leader.

Oh my. Well here goes nothing.

Me: Hey

Rod😈: Banana

Me: nice

Rod😈: wassup? CX

Me: nm just bored

Rod😈: see you at school bye

I NAILED IT. Okay that went very awkward. Maybe he thinks I'm boring. Whatever.

-Two days later.

Shawn comes back tomorrow. AGAIN. Why am I counting? I pushed away the thought and ran downstairs to hear laughter of a group of kids. I see my sidewalk shoveled of snow and spray pint of the pavement of my sidewalk. I spot Danny and a group of kids run away. I read the print of the ground.

"A LOSER LIVES HERE" My waterline filled with tears. Loser. The word I hate the most of all words in the whole entire world. Ever since 8 th grade when I fell in front of the whole entire talent show doing a magic act everyone has called me Loser. That wore off about a year ago and it has to come back now.

Now of all times. I quickly pushed snow on top of the print to cover it up. I wiped my forehead. I crossed my arms. Tears daring to fall out of my eyes. I completely lost it I ran back inside with my hands in my face. I sat on my worn chair that stood facing the window. Tears rolled down my cheeks with a natural flow. My depression bipolar was state slowly crept back into my mind. Right now I was beyond unstable. It wasn't just this incident.

I got up. I slowly walked toward the glass window I had known like the back of my hand. I placed my hand on the crease nearly to open it. I resisted moment then backed away. I took out a white sheet of paper and a black pen.

Tears dropped

Goodbye, x

I walked back to my window and sniffled. I thought about what my therapist told me. Who's going to miss you? Your dad can't take anymore pain.