Idc

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Now I'm not angry, I'm jut tired. No, tired does not even begin to explain the feeling I live with 24/7. I'm exhausted. I'm so exhausted with the world I'm getting ready to just check out.
But wait, family. Ha family. People that are supposed to love and support you but don't. No my family hinders everything I do, they see something wrong with me. They making it freaking worst, they pour salt into an open wound, and say things I've spent all my time already knowing. Judge me for everything constantly throwing crap into my face, and when I finally snap I'm disrespectful, I'm rude, I'm a bad Christian.
Now but I can't check out because of friends.
Haha yeah, the friends I always remember and yet they don't do the same for me.
It's whatever okay? I understand okay? Don't apologize to me for what you've done because I don't care, I didn't expect better from you or anyone else. I have come to realize to expect the worst, and just hope they prove you wrong but, they often dont. Friends, that are supposed to be here for you but often aren't or don't check in, or don't understand. All of them are my ride or die, id take a bullet for them, my loyalty runs deep. But I don't see any bullets coming threw for me. Hell, I only get the time of day from some of them when I talk to them or either see them in person to the point they can't ignore me.
Oh wait I can't check out because of love. People have no problem falling in love with me but staying is another topic. I don't want people to be in love with me I don't want to be in love with someone I don't want to do this anymore. I've been told I'm just 15 I have my whole life ahead of me but not when you've purposely taken off your seat belt when your parents are paying attention. Not when your walking in the middle of the street before looking both ways, Not when you drink a lot of energy drinks and then do crazy crap hoping you'll have a heart attack. Not when you go without eating for a day or so. Not when you cut your arm deeper then the last. Not when you pray to God to end your life. Not when you sit by a smoker and breathe in the toxins.
I don't try to kill myself. But I do.

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