Inspiration of an unlucky girl

Maybe.

I don't know why i'm sad, I guess because people are all the same.

Or maybe its the fact that I know no matter who I am with, no matter how I change, no  matter how much I pour into it; it'll end up the same as all the others. 

Either I will not fall for them out of fear. 

Either they will reject me like all the others.

Either someone will tear us apart.

Either someone will not fight for me as hard as I them.

Either God just simply doesn't want us together...

Its okay though, I swear. I feel bad at the fact that I honestly don't care what happens in this new relationship I am currently abiding in. That's a set up for disaster already isn't it? Either I am far to broken, or I am building this on a bad foundation by dooming it from the start. 

Just with your past, its hard for me to see anything less for me. Its hard for me to see that it won't happen to me, with my luck and your harmful doings. I don't understand why I agreed in the first place if I was just going be riddled in fear through most of it. 

Ah yes, there it is, the word you're probably expecting... Hope. Hope is what causes people to rebel no matter how scared they are. Hope is what causes people to beat their addictions and thrive for a better life. Hope is what brings afflicted lovers back again. I guess hope will be the death of us all, because no matter how small, no matter how bleak, we always seem to have hope. Hope is like a double edge it can give you the courage but it can also be a 50/50 and often we fall under the lesser. But still... I fall for you under hope that you wouldn't harm me like you did the others, and I wouldn't damage you like I had few.

Now we come back to what I was referring to earlier. I still am thriving for the taste of love but I am sadden still that I cannot feel the pain of the thought of you leaving. There comes to a point to where you just don't care or you just can't feel the heartbreak because your so damn used to it. Some people say that's sad that I've gotten to this point but I kinda find it similar to evolution, or evolving. Maybe it is bad not being able to feel the shattering aching pain in your heart, I honestly can't remember. This is a little off topic but I didn't even shed a tear when my beloved best friend died. I already knew he'd die, all my beloved pets do. I guess I prepared myself for it. People found that strange that I didn't even seem fazed by the death, but it is was it is. But I suppose I am preparing myself for the loss of you as well. Maybe that is why I am not saddened at the thought of you leaving me. 

Maybe that's why I don't feel much anymore, 

Maybe it all makes sense. I am simply preparing myself for the worst. 

Maybe its sad... Maybe its smart. Maybe it means nothing... I will never know.