Adopted by Harry Styles

eighteen

"Harry, we're in Brazil, we've got to go," Louis spoke as he shook me.

I nodded tiredly and got up, carrying Autumn with me. Niall grabbed mine and Autumn's backpacks since I totally forgot them.

"Thanks mate," I spoke drowsily.

"It's not a problem. Let me get her, you're looking pale," he spoke as he took Autumn from my arms.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him as we walked to the tour bus.

"Anything Harry," he said softly as we stood outside the bus, him handing Autumn to Danielle as she got on.

"Would it make me a bad parent if I told the doctors I didn't want to know when Autumn dies, if she dies?" I asked as his eyes widened.

"I don't think she'll die, and I don't want her to die, Niall. But would it be awful to tell them I don't want to know when she's going to pass away? Life is about living in the moment and doing spontaneous adventures with the people you love. It's about living it to the best of your abilities and not knowing you are a ticking time bomb, worrying when you will blow up and be gone forever. So, would it be bad if I told them I didn't want to know because I'll," I spoke as I took a breath and I felt tears brim my eyes, "I'll be damned if they ruin that for me. For her. For us."

I noticed everyone from the bus looking at me and Niall hugged me tightly and he started crying. I held onto him tightly as I started crying.

"I'll be damned if they ruin it for me," I repeat crying, "because life is fucking short. And I'll be fucking damned if they stop me from living hers out to the best she can with her."

He squeezed me tighter, even though I didn't think it was possible. I felt his tears going down the back of my neck as we held each other like we were the ticking time bombs.

//

All I've done is lay in bed all day. We got here at about 8 in the morning. We would've been here earlier, but I had my moment outside the bus with Niall.

Autumn is with Lou, Danielle, and the 5 Seconds of Summer boys shopping. They wanted to take her out, and she needed to go.

I heard a knock at my door and I rolled my eyes and shut them tightly. I peeked them open as the person continued banging on the door and checked the time.

It's 3 in the afternoon. Autumn won't be with me until tomorrow, only because she's staying with Danielle and Lou and Lux in their room.

"Harry," Niall spoke as I heard someone cough behind him, "can you open the door for me?"

"No," I croaked out, "I can't Niall. I'm sorry."

"Yes you can, please?" Liam spoke.

"No," I spoke weakly.

Don't cry, Harry. You have to stop crying.

"Please?" Niall spoke softly.

"I-I can't," I said in defeat. My emotions have won again.

"Harry, let us in or we'll go get a key," I heard Niall speak. I also heard him whisper to Liam that he needed to go get one anyways. Now, I'm really not opening the door.

"It hurts Niall!" I cried out as I put my hand on my side table, leaning the top half over my bed as I hoped I would get some better air than the hot air under the blankets.

"What hurts? Harry, please open the door," he spoke.

"My heart hurts," I cried out as I heard Liam running towards the door.

I heard a small beep, then my door swing open and two boys see me in my hysterical state.

"Harry," Niall whispered as Liam pulled his phone out.

"Make it stop, Niall! Make it stop," I screamed as Niall sprung out of his saddened daze.

He ran over to me and got in the small space between my head and the head board of the bed and pulled my upper half onto his lap.

My face was against his sweatpants covered thigh as I choked out tears. Niall rubbed my back as I fisted his sweatpants.

I heard Liam step out for a moment and the words I could make out were 'breakdown', 'here', and 'now' and 'please'.

"Niall," I croaked out as I heard him sniffle.

"What?"

"Why does it hurt so bad?"

"Because Harry, you love Autumn so much it hurts. And when love hurts, it's like hell burning your heart."

//

I woke up and I wasn't in my room. I'm in the back of an ambulance and by the people in the ambulance with me, we weren't in Brazil either.

"Niall?" I croaked as I saw him holding my hand.

"Holy shit, Harry. You're going to be okay," he spoke as if I was going to die.

"Am I going to die?" I asked him tiredly.

He shook his head, "No, you aren't dying. We're in California. There's bad weather at home, so this was our only resort."

"Why am I not in Brazil?" I asked as I closed my eyes, but squeezed his hand.

"We can't understand the doctors there, Harry. They're transferring you. We're almost at the hospital, okay? Stay awake," he spoke scared.

"Niall," I whispered, "I'm not dying."

The next few hours happened in a blur because I was in and out of it the whole time. I just want to be alone and cry, is that not possible?

Now, I'm in a hospital bed with wires hooked up to me and a mask on over my mouth to help me breathe.

I saw the boys walk in and then rush to my bedside. I tried taking the mask off, but Louis pushed my hand out of the way and put his on it so I wouldn't move it.

I grabbed Louis's wrist and lifted the mask, "What's wrong with me?"

"Your heart," Liam started, "almost stopped, Harry. You're stress almost killed you."

"I'm sorry," i started as I winced a little as I moved, "I shouldn't have scared you like that. And now I've let you down because we aren't-"

"Harry, shut up. You almost died, we can worry about the concerts later," Louis spoke.

"Where's Autumn?" I asked.

They looked at each other and then back at my panicked state.

"Harry, breathe," Niall rushed, "she's okay. We promise, okay?"

"Why did you do that?"

"They couldn't come with us, Harry," Louis spoke, "they're stuck in Brazil."

//

harry is me right now because im depressed and ive have like two panic attacks in the last hour and a half. yay me.