Figuring Out Life*

13 | Go On a Girlfriend

CHAPTER 13

Go on a Girlfriend

Seriously "Would you go on a girlfriend?"

There were so many better ways I could combine "Would you go on a date with me" and "Would you be my girlfriend?" and still have it make sense.

"Would you go on a date, girlfriend?" is a bit silly but gets the point across. "Would you be a date with me?" is a bit odd but still somewhat comprehensible. And "Would you be with me?" was right there.

She was still looking at me with wide eyes.

I said, "Uh, what I meant was, would you go on a date and be my girlfriend again?" 

Saying both. Now that's an idea.

She looked at me with her mouth slightly open.

Well, at least she wasn't sad anymore.

After passing the thirty-second mark, I said "Shreya?"

"Hmm?" she said.

"Is it a yes? A no? It's okay if it's a no."

She shook her head.

Oh.

Her eyes widened and she shook her head again. "Not no. I, uhm, confused?"

"About..." I trailed.

"Why...?" she looked like she wanted to finish the question but she only stared at me, confused.

"Why am I asking you out?" I tried to finish.

She nodded.

"Because you said you weren't uncomfortable with me."

Her confused look morphed into mortification and embarrassment as she rubbed her hand over her face tiredly. "Please don't be with me because you pity me," she said, her voice getting coarse and sharp with sadness and anger.

"I don't pity you! You saying I wasn't making you uncomfortable and saying I made you feel the opposite of it made me realise you still like me and that I still have a chance. That we still have a chance"

"You said that wasn't enough..." she said.

The sharpness in her tone was gone, yet this was more painful. I said sincerely, "I know and I was wrong."

She was surprised.

I wanted to tell her everything, but it was weird to do it here where strangers and the occasional classmates passed us by, "Do you want to sit in the park? It's a bit of a long story."

She nodded.

I wanted to hold her hand, but not yet.

We found a seat at the far edge of the park. She turned towards me, her expression a mix of confusion and curiosity.

I took a breath and began, "At that time I said it wasn't enough because I felt inadequate. 

You were so brave. You asked me out first, and even after talking to your past lives, who I assumed were also trying to convince you to break up with me, you still wanted to continue us. Meanwhile, I caved under their pressure. 

I thought you deserved someone who would boldly step towards you, someone who can sweep you off your feet, someone like you... I thought that someone wasn't me."

Her eyebrows scrunched, "But that's crazy!"

I had an idea why she thought so, but I wondered if I got it right, so I asked, "Why?"