Swallow your pride

Forgiveness

Omini's PoV

Ominis watched as Yarra cradled their daughter in her arms, his heart swelling with conflicting emotions. The joy at the birth of their child was tinged with a sharp pang of envy and self-recrimination. He wanted to be there, to hold the baby in his arms,  to touch that soft downy hair, to be the one Yarra looked at with such love. But he knew he didn't deserve it. He was the reason Yarra had been in so much pain, he was the reason she was weakened and weary. His eyes flicked between Yarra and Sebastian.
Ominis felt a pang of guilt as Sebastian whispered words of comfort and admiration to Yarra. He could see the love and pride in Sebastian's eyes as he looked down at their daughter. He knew Sebastian was being genuine, but it stung nonetheless. Ominis stood at a distance, torn between wanting to be closer and feeling as if he had no right to approach. The image of Sebastian and Yarra with their baby, a picture-perfect family, was a stark contrast to his chaotic feelings of shame and loss.

He couldn't help but feel that he didn't fit in this scene of newfound happiness. The way Sebastian effortlessly took on the role of father, the way Yarra's gaze softened at the sight of him, it felt like an invisible chasm had opened up between them. Ominis wanted to shake off this feeling, to be happy for them, to be a part of this moment, but the weight of his guilt was too heavy to bear. He stood there, a lone figure at the edge of the room, feeling like an intruder in this tableau of contentment.
The room filled with Sebastian's laughter, his joy at the birth of his daughter apparent in every word he spoke. As Ominis listened, he felt a wave of jealousy. It should have been him there, sharing in the joy, sharing in the moments of laughter and awe. But instead, he stood on the sidelines, a silent spectator to Sebastian's happiness. The guilt, self-loathing, and shame swirled within him, creating a chaotic storm of emotions that threatened to engulf him. He wanted to participate in this happiness, but his own actions had alienated him.

He quietly slipped out of the room, thoughtfully walking into the living room with his head hanging down.
"Is Yarra all right? And baby?" Anne asked.
Ominis sighed, his head still pounding. "Yes, they're both fine," he replied, his voice soft. He leaned against the wall, his face weary. "It was... a difficult delivery. Yarra is exhausted, but the doctor said they're both healthy."  Ominis paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "I just can't help but feel... guilty," he admitted after a moment of silence. "I know I don't have a right to, but seeing Sebastian there, by Yarra's side, holding their daughter... it's a painful reminder of my own inadequacy." He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a weary exhale. "I should be happy for them, and I am, I truly am. But there's a part of me, a selfish part, that wishes it were me with them in that room, holding our daughter, sharing in their joy. And that part feels like a dagger in my chest."

Anne said tearfully, "And what about our child? Isn't this from me good enough for you?"
Ominis froze at Anne's words. The guilt and regret clawed at his heart with renewed vigor. He opened his mouth to respond, his voice thick with emotion.
"Anne," he began, "Please, I..." His voice trailed off, his thoughts swirling with a mixture of guilt and despair. "It's not that it isn't good enough," he managed to say, his voice hoarse. "It's that...I can't help but feel I've failed everyone. Watching Sebastian and Yarra... it just brought up feelings of inadequacy, of not being the husband I should be."

Anne's gaze softened, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Ominis," she whispered, her voice tender yet firm, "you're not inadequate. You're just... human. You make mistakes, just like all of us. You're not perfect, but that doesn't make you less deserving of love, or less worthy of happiness." Ominis shook his head, the guilt still heavy in his heart. "I can't help but feel like I don't deserve it, though. I've caused pain, I've caused hurt, and now I'm watching Sebastian and Yarra... they're so happy, and I'm just... standing on the sidelines, filled with self-pity and guilt." Anne's eyes pleading with him. "You've made mistakes, Ominis, but you're not defined by those mistakes. You've also done good things, you've shown kindness and love. You're not a bad person, you're just... you've just lost your way a bit."