The Outer Outer banks//Rafe Cameron

My Rock

July 1st

"Thank you for letting me stay the night Tops!" I smiled as Topper and i made the guest room bed.

"Don't thank me, your practically family Zoy." Topper responded.

"Sit here." He patted on the bed.

"You know you always have a place here right?" He mentioned worriedly.

"Thank you Tops, its been a rough year for me and honestly the only good things i remember have you in it."

"I am such a good time," Topper giggled.

"Im gonna miss you when you go off to Princeton you know." He said as he slowly pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

"I'll miss you too. But hey! The parties go crazy and I bet you'd enjoy them!"

"Talking about parties, are you coming to my Big fourth blowout?" He mentioned as he sat closer.

"I don't know." I said dry.

"What do you mean you don't know?!" He laughed as he playfully shoved me.

"I just don't want to be alone, i don't know it sounds stupid but i don't really have friends like that anymore i would probably sit in a corner and talk to a wall." I sighed.

Topper got closer.

"You could never be alone when i'm so close to you." Toppers entire demeanor changed. Slowly his face looked different, a face i've never seen him make.

"I know but you'll be busy!" I laughed trying to ignore it.

"Zoy, I would never leave you alone." He said in the same tone.

His face began to come in my direction, planting a kiss on my lips.

Quickly i backed away.

"Topper, I love you. So so much. Which is why this can not happen. It cannot. I cant loose you." I don't know if it was because i lost my mother or both the guys i loved. But i couldn't ruin this too.

"Zoya i love you so much but i don't love you the same way, im in love with you. And i thought maybe-"

"No topper, no."

"Since forever, all i could think about was you."

He kept talking.

"When you got with John B i was so hurt because how could you get with such a low life and when he hurt you it hurt me. But a side of me was glad. Because i wanted you to be mine and i thought since you guys were done it was cool, but i wanted you to heal and i don't know but fuck i thought you might have felt the same way." Topper blurted out as he held his head.

"Topper I truly care for you and always have and You're the only person i have right now i can't do this, i need you. And whatever these feelings are cannot be anything, we are still those kids people mistook as twins and we are so close. I can not let this be ruined. Please Topper." I cried out.

"Im sorry Zoya, Maybe its just because im high im getting all of these crazy ideas and shit. Please don't cry i love you too and we are family please just forget what i said." He smiled as tears fell out of his eyes.

"Im sorry."

"Its okay, goodnight zoya." He smiled trying to hide his tears.

"Stay with me tonight? like old times." I smiled as i wiped his tears away.

"I wouldn't want anything else." He smiled,

I went in for a hug and we sat like that for a while. He could see how bad i was hurting, how badly i needed him. And i understand how he feels.

I feel terrible and heartbroken for him. I cant be the same for him. I wish it wasn't like this but the heart wants what it wants.

July 2nd

I woke up to rain trickling down the glass, looked over to see topper still asleep. I moved my body closer to him and held on, he's truly been my number one.

Side note.

Topper was my first crush, like real crush. As we were kids our parents made jokes about us getting married and going to homecomings together. And he really was always a lady's man. I mean for one hes hot, but he's also smart and so sweet. All of the girls have had or has a crush on topper. His charm was unmatchable and his character is everything you want and desire in a man.

But with my track record it never ends well and i cant risk that with him.

"Zoy?" Topper groaned as he blinked trying to wake up from his slumber.

"Tops?" I replied back as i layed on his chest."

"Goodmorning." He smiled

"10 More minutes." I smiled to myself.

"I have no plans today anyway." He said before he passed right back to sleep.

And so did i. Something about topper was i always slept like a baby with him. And i havent had good sleep in a while.