I Love Him | My love story

I Am Sorry Cass...

As mentioned, my daily struggle to get to school on time continues due to catching the last bus. Therefore, upon arrival, I hastily rush to my locker to gather my belongings before dashing to class. The intense stares from my classmates make me conscious, especially with my flushed face from earlier tears. Despite attempting to remain composed, the persistent headache only adds to my feelings of discomfort.

I sit on my seat and look around. I see my sir walking up to me and giving me a worksheet to complete. I try writing down the answers down, because I know the answers but my head starts feeling dizzy

Throughout the entire duration of the class, I find myself continuously sitting in my seat, grasping my head in an attempt to focus my mind on the material being presented in my studies. The struggle to concentrate intensifies as I wrestle with the complexities of the subject matter.

The class ends and I rush out side when some one hugs me hard.

Whenever Mahi wraps her arms around me in a warm hug, I notice an intensification of the pounding ache in my head, feeling my body quiver with added intensity. In that moment, I become acutely aware that I could very well lose consciousness, overwhelmed by the powerful sensations coursing through me.

Mahi literally yells "Oh My God!! Cass guess what you know the Science test? I GOT 91%!!!!!!!"

I shut my eyes, the hallway is already crowded the people are talking yelling and laughing and now Mahi is yelling in my ear... I grunt in frustration.

I carefully disengage from the hug, attempting to avoid seeming unfriendly while showing my frustration. Stepping back cautiously, I inadvertently trip over my own bag, causing me to stumble and end up sitting down abruptly. Feeling a sharp pain from the unexpected fall, I instinctively wince and tightly shut my eyes in response.

"Oh my god Cass, here let me help you" Mahi squeaks and give me a helping hand which I ignore

"Its ok I don't need hel-"

"Cass come on grab my hand i will help yo-"

"Mahi I don't need your help!" I raise my voice to which Mahi flinches and some people around us look at me including Jack and Sawyer.

I get up on my own and pick my bag up. Without looking at Mahi I turn around and start to leave, but I hear Mahi's footsteps coming near me

"Don't try to follow me" I say in a warning tone, even tho I didn't mean to warn her that way.

Mahi stops at my warning and sighs sadly not understanding what she did wrong.

As I stroll along, each step feels heavy with an unexplainable burden. Suddenly, a strange sensation creeps up my spine, signaling that I am not alone. Halting in my tracks, I pivot around to confront the unseen presence trailing closely behind me.

I see Sawyer fast-walking towards me with my pouch in his hand.

Of course I had to forget that behind, I grunt.

"Cassie, oh here you go, you forgot it when you slipe-" he starts but I cut him off

"Thank you"I snap and snatch the pouch from his hand

I see him step back a bit at the sudden snap from my side. "Anything else you wanted to...ask...?" I ask

"Oh yea no nothing important, just hmm are you coming tomorrow, the school party, and your birthday" he says

"I don't know..-Wait a sec! I never told you birthday was tomorrow...How did you?" I ask curiously

"Oh uh yea...Mahi told m-me" he says nervously

"WHy did she tell you"

"I as-don't know, hmm no idea just told me she did" he said.

In that uncomfortable moment of awkward silence that lingered between us, the sound of the bell graciously filled the air, signaling the end of our brief encounter. With a shared sense of relief, we hurriedly made our way to our respective classes, eager to escape the discomfort that had momentarily enveloped us.

After 1 more class I finally had recess. I went outside where I mostly sat with mahi and the friend group. It was very cold, so I put my gloves on. (It was -6)

I sat beside Mahi and ignored her glances.

TW trigger warning

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When the friend group was talking, I was zooming out in my thoughts. It was such a horrible day I thought, for some reason I hated myself for thinking that Sawyer would ever love me.

I had tears in my eyes that would have frozen if I wouldn't wipe it off. I didn't want to break down i front of my friends. So i slowly removed my gloves and stared down at my hands. I took my jacket sleeve up till my forearm. I stared. I didn't know what to do, My head was spinning my world was breaking. I don't know when I had started making sharp cuts on my skin with my nail. For the first time I was glad to have sharp nails. I shut my eyes close when I felt my forearm skin burning with all the marks and some drops of blood.

Then I remember the paper pins that I borrowed from my teacher for my project, it was in my pocket...I brought a shaky hand to my pocket and took out the pin. (BTW we were sitting on a picnic table, and my hand was under the table hidden) I slowly make a small mark on my forearm using the pin. I wanted to see blood, I slowly pushed the pin's tip in my skin, and shut my eyes hard. I bit my lip as I felt blood under my finger.

I was ready to push the pin even deeper when suddenly a hand grabbed my shoulder and dragged me away from the picnic table. The pin fell down on the pavement as Mahi dragged me away.

"Cass What the hell do you think you are doing!!"

I took down at the mess on my forearm and bit my lips. I slowly look up to see tears in Mahi's eyes.

"Cassie stop doing this and-and talk to me, anyone actually but don't do this, I can't see you like this" Mahi said and gently hugged me.

THis time the hug was good, quiet and gently. I rested my head down at her neck/shoulder.

I hesitated but told mahi about the dream, and then why I had backed away from the hug and my head ache.

"Oh Cass...I am so sorry, I never meant to, I am sorry" she said at the verge of crying

"Cass talk to me next time, I am here for you the way you have always been there for me, Please don't do this to yourself"

I silently nodded

Mahi's warm embrace enveloped me, offering solace as we stood together until the bell signaled the end of recess. With gentle reassurance, she guided me to the bathroom, where she kindly assisted in cleansing my forearm, showing unwavering care and support throughout the entire process.

As the day drew to a close, the weight of unspoken emotions would envelop me, causing silent tears to cascade down my face. With a heavy heart, I would retreat to the solitude of the bus, concealing my face in an attempt to shield my inner turmoil from the world around me as I journeyed home.

Of course TW end chapter end

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Sad chapter, but Please don't judge me, <3

Hope you understand

Next update soon

-Cassie