I didn't know how to feel anymore. I was so conflicted. Do I love him or hate him? I want to punch him out but then kiss his lips.
I want to date him one moment, and then the next, I wanted to push him off a cliff. He frustrated me so much!
I met him in summer last year, at a party. I have mutual friends with him. Mike Naran. He stood there drinking a beer with Brendon and Dan. Our mutual friends. I walked over to the guys. I hugged Brendon and Dan hello. They introduced us. There was an undeniable spark there. Our attraction was palpable. I wanted to fuck him to badly and I know he felt the same way. So much so that we fucked the night we met. It exceeded my expectations. Mike is an insatiable lover. I thought that we were a couple then. I had fallen for Mike, the moment I met him. I told my girlfriends. Olivia, one of my closest friends, listened as I went on and on about Mike.
I began to hear rumours that he was seeing other girls. I didn't want to believe the rumours. I wanted to stay with my head firmly in the clouds. I had to face reality and come down to earth with a thud. It got to a point where the rumours were just too much to ignore anymore. So I ended things in the Spring.
I sometimes feel so low and depressed. I miss him and want to reach out.
Then there are other times when I want to make him so jealous and make him feel bad. The way he made me feel during the majority of our relationship.
I get a visit from Brendon one day.
"How are you?" He asks me as we sit down.
"Conflicted." I reply. "I start to write him a letter and end up throwing it in the trash, because what's the point?" Brendon places a hand on my shoulder in comfort.
"It will get easier." He said. I nodded in agreement.
"I know, B." I smile. "I just miss the way he kisses and how he made me laugh. I think about telling him this and how much I am hurting. How bad he made me feel. I think about pressing send,but picture all my friends' faces of disappointment. I don't want to stay on the carousel. I want to get off."
"I tell you what,how about we go out for dinner?" Brendon suggested. My face lit up.
"Omg, yes!"
Brendon chuckled at my excitement. "Come on then." And I grabbed my purse and jacket.
Arriving at the restaurant of our choice, Brendon managed to get an available table. We went to sit down. Brendon pulled my chair out.
"Thank you,kind sir." I said, and Brendon bowed, making me giggle. We had our drinks orders taken, and then we perused the menu. As we looked, who should walk in but Mike with a date. I rolled my eyes.
"Great." I said. Brendon looked up from his menu to see what I was commenting on.
"Hey,Bren." Mike said, approaching the table. I sat quietly. Brendon and Mike exchanged light chat. Mike looked at me.
"Are you not going to say hello, Lisa?" Brendon put a hand on mine to reassure me. It didn't go unnoticed by Mike's companion. She scoffed.
"Mike, honey, I think we interrupted a moment." Brendon looked up at her and Mike.
"Lisa, are you ok?" Brendon asked.
"I am good. I hope you are well, Mike. And you are?" I said, turning my attention to Mikes companion.
"Oh, sorry guys, this is Penny." Mike introduced her, and we both said hello. "Well, we will leave you to it." And they both walked off.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
Brendon moved his hand, and we ordered our food. Brendon and I had a wonderful dinner. I laughed so much my cheeks and ribs ached. When we left the restaurant, I felt 10 times better than I did arriving. We walked to Brendons car. He opened the door, and I slid into the passenger seat. Brendon got into the drivers seat, and we started for my apartment.
"Thanks for tonight, Brendon. I really needed this." I said.
"My pleasure, Lisa." Brendon smiled.
"You will have to apologise to Sarah for me. Keeping you away from her." For a split second, a look flickered across his face, and the smile faltered a little.
"Aww, she will understand. She knows what you have been through with Mike." He said.
"At least she got a good one. Probably the best out of them all." I placed a hand on his. Brendon blushed. It was so adorable to see.
We pulled up outside my apartment building.
"Home sweet home." I said and rolled my eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Brendon asked.
"Nothing, really. I just, I guess I am not dealing with being alone too well." I shrugged. My bottom lip trembled.
"Come on." Brendon said, unbuckling his seatbelt.
"What?"
Brendon went to get out of the car. "I am coming in with you. Stay on your couch."
"Brendon, no. I have taken enough of your time up. Go spend some time with Sarah. I will be OK. It's just your sad tragic friend being miserable."
I opened the passenger door and got out. I waved goodbye and went inside.
I looked at the time, half asleep. 3am. I stumbled to the door to see who was knocking. I looked through my peephole. I gasped with shock as I opened the door.
"Hello, Lisa."
