Neutrino Blues

Chapter VI

FUCKING MEOW

Ashley

I'm having so much fun with my sound collection I hardly do anything else. It's summer time and normal kids go to the beach and stuff but... I'm not exactly normal, am I. I'm grateful I don't have to get one of those summer job things a lot of people my age have to do; aside from being supportive and indulgent, my folks provide for me and I don't even have to save up for college, they said they can pay for it. Not that I have plans to attend one, but still. We're not rich or anything, but I don't have to worry about money at least. There are limits, tho. When I mentioned at dinner yesterday that I'd like to buy DJing equipment, my mum was like umm... what do you need that for... not for school you don't... and I was like but mom... and she was like you can use your computer for that kind of stuff, you have instruments to play real music... and I was like ding dong! say what?

I was on the verge of saying the fuck do you know about music but I managed to keep it down. I did meow and slip some mfs but these were the usual. My dad didn't say anything on the subject, he simply continued eating listening to us and I saw potential in that. It suggested he didn't exactly dismiss the idea of spending some more of his hard-earned dough on another folly of mine, but I was ready to bend his ear to convince him that it was no folly, it was life. My Tourette impaired life, yes.

I have to prepare, tho. First thing he's going to ask, before the negotiation commences, is how much and I just don't know yet. I have to do field research and there's no time like the present. Once I collect enough data and am ready to present some specimens to the sponsor, I have to make sure his opinion is not going to be influenced by a third party in the form of my mom. I'll show him I've done my homework and he'll appreciate that. I'll start with an acceptable option being ready to upgrade to a full-fledged one or downgrade to the cheapest at-least-I-got-something one, depending on how it goes with him. Not really an option for me to get one of those summer job things, not with Mr. T on my back, no way. Applying for a parental grant is the only way.

There are lots and lots of DJing stores in town so I began my research with the closest one which offered both new and used equipment. That way I'll be able to present different price ranges to my dad. I had to prep myself before entering the shop so Mr. T wouldn't make me leave before I was ready to leave. Humiliation is to be avoided at all cost and music is the key. I don't often have to interact with human beings other than my parents, definitely not on vacation I don't, so the very thought of entering that store and having a conversation with anyone stressed me out. Can't get stressed now! That's what he wants. The more stressed out I get, the easier it is for him to manipulate me into doing shit I hate. Come down now, Ash, you can do it.

I looked around the street in search of familiar faces and there were none so I lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. My folks had no idea I smoked; hiding it from them was an achievement I was secretly proud of and it enhanced my self-efficacy. I can get some shit done! Mr. T ain't gonna mess with all my undertakings. Every victory over him was as precious to me as a gold medal to a sportsperson. Every victory gave me hope and comfort. Let's get another one of these.

I finished my smoke and headed towards the entrance. I chose to come in the morning on a weekday for a reason. I want as few witnesses as possible in case, you know, the monkey on my back starts acting up. But no, that's not the way to think, it'll be ok, it'll be just fine the way they tell you in the movies when it's anything but. Time to sing something, yes. Only music can save me. In music I trust. Funny how at the most crucial moments my mind goes blank and there's no song I can think of. Come on, you can do it. How about Barrett's Privateer's? Let's do it. I love Stan and I'm sure he'll help me cope.