Neutrino Blues

Chapter XVI

1.0595

Ashley

It was the first time I've ever ding dong mother fucker'd a police officer and I was paralyzed with fear, shame and guilt. How could this have happened? It was as if all those years of hard work on my monkey didn't mean shit. It just jumped off my back and rubbed it in his face! How could I ruin everything like this! I thought I shouldn't be among people anymore and felt like leaving the car and walking to the nearest train station to punish myself for who I was.

The police officer looked at me like he was about to fine me for disrespecting him but then Matty stepped in and defended me. I don't know why he was doing it, but it worked. He even said that we both had Tourette's! Now, that was unprecedented. No one has ever done that. Later on he told me that he actually liked me this way, with Mr. T and everything. No one has ever said that either, not even Jenny. She accepted me with it completely but never said she liked it. I looked at Matt to detect any traces of irony, sarcasm or lies but I couldn't find any. Who are you, boy? How can you... and why?

We stopped at a roadhouse to cool our jets and refuel. A much-needed break, that. It all felt like lucid dreaming or out-of-body experience where I saw myself from a side and could switch perspectives, all the time being aware of what was going on. I couldn't believe that so much has happened since I woke up this morning on the train and needed to get myself together, come to terms with all of it. More importantly, when the adrenaline wore off I realized I was starving. Hunger hadn't occurred to me before, but now it is all I can think of.

We entered the roadhouse and I let one slip right away. I'm sorry, I'm too tired and weirded out to control it. I'm tired of being sorry all the time. I'm tired.

- Ding dong mother fucker!

- Peekaboo you, fuck you! I'm sorry, we've got Tourette's.

Wow. Matty upped his game and even I was stunned, let alone the staff and customers. He drew attention to himself and I felt protected like never before. Not just supported, but actually protected like with an invisible shield. This was all news to me.

Matty saw my expression and grinned widely with suppressed laughter. He waited until we were seated, looked around and spoke confidentially.

- I always wanted to say it in public! It's actually a Cypress Hill lyric.

We giggled quietly but then he went all serious.

- As long as it's okay with you?

- Why wouldn't it be?

- You don't think I'm making fun of you, do you?

- No, I don't.

- Good, because I'm not. I really... like you.

He hesitated there like he wanted to say something else, then blushed and looked down at the menu. It felt like we were teenagers on a first date. At least that's how I imagined it because my prospects of having a normal date when I was young were pretty much non-existent due to Mr. T who claimed me against my will. Now there is someone who makes Mr. T seem non-existent and it is so liberating. I don't feel uneasy with Matty at all.

All of a sudden Jimbo's eyes went huge and he darted out of his seat. Peter Pan's shadow has been so quiet all the time I actually forgot he was with us. Or maybe it was because I focused on Matty so much? Anyways, there he is, Jimbo, running towards the little store which was a part of the roadhouse. We looked at each other, me and Matty, and had a little laugh at our companion's outburst. Jimbo is a welcome distraction because it seems that neither me nor Matty know how to behave on a first date.