Neutrino Blues

Chapter XV

TRAVELING BAND

Matty

I knew it! Wasn't a deja vu or insanity, I really knew her voice! She's the amazing Ashtray Girl! I can't believe she's in my car! More importantly, I can't believe she's so hot! I had no idea! There's like no pictures or videos with her anywhere, null, nada, zip. How could I've known. But now I do know and I'm sweating like crazy. Stop it, stop it, you're going to stink, can't stink with her around. Fuck me! Ashtray Girl! Here! With me! In my car!

- You are the Ashtray Girl and you haven't told us all this time? I'm such a dumbass, should've known earlier. Jimbo!

The boy seems to have descended self-protectively below the surface of here and now so I tugged at his shirt to make him pay attention to what I am saying.

- She's the Ashtray Girl!

- What?

- Seriously! Ask her!

- Are you really the Ashtray Girl, Ashley?

- Yes... I am...

- Ash-ley, Ash-tray... I should've known! I'm so stupid.

- We're big fans of yours!

- ...what?

- That's true!

I feel like I'm high on meds again. This is just so much to take! First time ever I really care about a girl and here comes a kicker – she's a superstar I totally admire. Things she does with music and to music are incredible and unprecedented. Well, she's not exactly a superstar per se, not yet anyway because she hasn't risen as high as she's able to, as she's supposed to. Seems like she slows her progress down on purpose because she's got all it takes. Curious.

- Why haven't you told us? Not even when we were listening to your song?

- Well, you didn't tell me you were Mojo either!

Oh shit. Busted. I feel so dumb! She knew it all along, yet she hasn't said anything, she hasn't done anything, she hasn't shown a single sign of recognition. It can only mean one thing – she thinks we're crap. In this one very moment I felt ashamed of my whole musical career, like I gulped the essence of it in one go and it was so much to take. I'm crestfallen and trying to remain positive but to no avail. If she saw something good in me, just one thing... I would exchange my entire success for that.

I couldn't speak but fortunately Jimbo came back online.

- Ashtray Girl... Ashtray Girl! You're a total mystery! There isn't a single picture with you on the internet or else we would've recognized you! Why...?

- I don't like my pictures taken...

- Wow...

I hope you're not coming on to her, boy, because if you are... I will have to slay you. I stepped in like a jealous kid.

- Do you play all those instruments yourself?

- Yes.

- Wow...

I'm at a loss for words so I played 'At it' again. She doesn't like it. I think she totally hates me. Can't worry about that now. The show must go on.

- No...

- Yes!

- Okay but after that we'll sing some Mojo songs!

- Deal!

Why does she want to sing our songs? To make fun of us? Never mind now. I'm riding a wave and it's a huge one, we're both riding it, the supersonic wave, both of us together and the soundwave brings us closer, I think. I try to relax and she does too. Maybe she reflects my behavior? It seems so but I can't really focus, there's a tempest in my head, a storm of thoughts, some of them hitting me like thunders rumbling inside my skull. I keep looking at the speedometer and my watch because I'm losing touch with space-time continuum as I know it, events shuffle and shift, slide and glide, am I going crazy? I feel like I'm having out-of-body experience at times, things grab my all attention and I feel like I project myself towards them and my soul is leaving my body through my eyes and dissolves into thin air.