Neutrino Blues

Chapter XIII

YAWP

Ashley

I didn't go to any other music stores today. It didn't matter if they had better deals. I'm already a loyal customer at Jenny's even though I haven't bought there anything yet.

I returned home way before my sponsor-to-be so I looked up this club we were supposed to go to tonight. I haven't even asked her if I needed to be twenty-one to get in! Makes sense to ask her now. We exchanged numbers so it's not a problem. Even better; I'll be able to be with her textually before we meet in person. It's funny and infuriating when you're eighteen; you're an adult abroad but not at home. I will have to struggle to get cigarettes for three more years. As if that twenty-one-limit stopped anyone from doing what they wanted.

Not me, it doesn't. Jenny texted back that eighteen is good enough because she knows bouncers and a DJ. Connected girl. She told me I can meet him if I want. Do I?! The very thought made me fucking meow nervous but ding dong mother fucker he's a guy who does what I want to do!

I hit my closet and started meow looking for something meow suitable to wear. But what? Ding dong mother fucker! I was ashamed to ask Jenny, I didn't want her to know I was such a meow rookie so I ding dong chose something safely in the middle. Not too formal, not too casual, not too childish, not too slutty. I thought I was over a goth phase when I wore all black. Or so I kid myself. I don't think it was ever a phase. I simply love black clothes. Preferably with a hint of white. Meow. I don't want to look like a bum or mentally unstable teenager so I struggle to add some variety. What's on the menu for today, then? Tight blue jeans, knee-length black cotton open sweater preventing my bum from being stared at and a black and white top with Edgar Allan Poe wearing huge, pink hipster sunglasses. I'm not taking sunglasses myself even though mine would nicely correspond with Edgar's. We're going to a night club and we'll be indoors. I think people wearing sunglasses indoors or at night are suspicious, attention seeking or plain insane. I fancy myself not belonging to any of the above. Crazy – yes, but not insane. Meow.

I was considering wearing a lipstick but decided against it. I don't want guys leering at me. I want to fit in and not stand out. Mascara and eyeliner are enough. Tiny silver necklace and my favorite watch to boot. Done. I know I wear this watch everywhere but... they haven't seen me in it yet! It's got white face and mother fucker long black imitation leather band which goes several times around my wrist. Ding dong! Time for shoes. That's easy. Dr Martens ankle boots. I also wear them all the time, just like my watch, but they don't know that either. So that's it. Ding dong mother fucker! I'm all set!

When my sponsor-to-be came home I let him eat dinner in peace and chill afterwards because timing is key in this kind of negotiation. I prepared a little speech and as many arguments as I could muster to include in this application for parental, or actually paternal grant. I did well, or maybe he just had a good day, because he agreed to buy me a pretty decent set! I texted Jenny right away. Fucking meow! This is the best day of my life!

When it was time, Jenny picked me up in her car. I was relieved to see her wear a similar style of no style outfit. We lit up and sped away. I decided not to tell my parents the truth. I didn't want to jeopardize my meow big night fucker so I told them that we were going to hang out at her place. They were actually happy I was going out and no wonder; they must be sick of watching her loner daughter sit in her room day after day making noise. Fucking meow too right.

Jenny is a godsend. I don't know whether I would go to a club on my own with Mr. T on my back to boot, but with her I feel so comfortable, even a trifle confident. She's eighteen as well which feels great. Yawp! Here we go! Fucking meow!