Neutrino Blues

Chapter XII

NIGHT TRAIN

Ashley

- There's a chance I'm not going to be a freak anymore!

- What?

- I found a guy who treats people with music! Exactly what I've been doing to Mr. T to cut his claws!

- You go, girl!

- I have to leave for New York, tho.

- For how long?

- Don't know yet. Couldn't even contact him, maybe he's too busy. Doesn't matter to me! If he's my only chance, I've got to give it a shot.

- Goes without saying!

- I'm going there to check things out. Got nothing to lose anyway.

- Good luck, honey! Let me know how it goes!

I'm sitting cross-legged on a pier feeding gulls and thinking about Oliver Sacks and what I read in Musicophilia. Why haven't I found this book earlier? How could I know... Why do doctors feed you pills and bullshit instead of telling you about the incredible healing power of music? I've been looking for Mr. Sacks all my life! No, actually I started looking when I was five so it amounts to twenty-four years of searching. Wow. This time it's got to be it. Can't call him mister, tho, not in my head anyway. Sounds too much like Mr. T. Don't want to call him Sacks either, it sounds too formal. Oliver it is!

I came full circle with Tourette's. I decided to call him Mr. T so it wouldn't hurt as much, but it already does. No wonder, it's got all those negative associations in my head. I don't want to give him another nickname – I want to get better! The syndrome is supposed to be gone by now. It's popular with kids but as they grow up, he leaves most of them alone. Am I among ding dong mother fucker lucky few? Yolo fucking meow!

Those gulls are tough and don't fly away when Mr. T screams at them. They look at me in a weird way and continue eating. I wonder if they also got Tourette's. Could be. They make a lot of noise seemingly for no reason so I'm entertaining myself with a thought that there is this connection between us, other than the love for the sea. Maisie stays with my parents because she likes company and Jenny is never at home. It feels weird leaving the club, especially that I don't know when I'll be back. I suppose I'm becoming as attached to it as Jens. Fortunately, she can play my music without me so I won't be missed that much. I gave her access to all my sounds and made some suggestions.

We play different music every day to make it more fun. Tuesday is electro blues, jazz and classical music day, Wednesday is downtempo, ambient and songs of nature day, Thursday is hip hop, funk and electro swing day, Friday is punk rock, nu metal and Nintendocore day and Saturday is deep house day. These labels are for people so they would more or less know what to expect but in reality there are no clear-cut borders between this and that; I play all of it, or Jens plays my recordings while I'm away, so my characteristic stylistic fingerprints are bound to be all over. I'm surprised people dig it so much but good for us! Can't imagine doing any other job, apart from sailing of course.

We sell tickets online now but it hasn't always been this way. Back in the day people were just showing up but when we became more popular it got too crowded and difficult to control. We had to determine the number of people who could get in and sell tickets in advance so there wouldn't be desperate crowds hanging around and trying to enter by force. I really don't know if it's about my music or the place just got trendy but the situation convinced me to make a record. Now people can listen to it at home and chill. Bigger venue? I'm not sure I want one.

Thegulls lost interest in me once I gave them all I had. They dispersed to lookfor more grub, some of them resuming their favorite positions to watch over thehaven like security guards or CCTV. I love these guys even though they seemcold-hearted and selfish. One of them is standing few yards from my bag, fakeinnocence on his face, pretending not to care but you don't fool me, baby. Iknow you want to root around my bag but there really isn't anything else toeat. Apart from my ticket but I can't let you have that. I'm taking a nighttrain to see doctor Sacks, you know, hoping that he can help me with thismonkey on my back. I look forward to it.