WOULD YOU RESCUE ME?

21.Boundaries and Battles

Astra held Vanessa tightly, not letting her go as sobs wracked her girlfriend's body. Vanessa's shoulders shook beneath Astra's embrace, her breath catching in uneven gasps as she tried to hold back a torrent of emotions. Astra stroked Vanessa's back, gently and rhythmically, her hand moving with a tenderness that spoke of her quiet worry and deep care. Astra could feel Vanessa trembling, could feel the strain in her as if she was fighting against something too big to contain, a dam on the verge of breaking.

Vanessa felt herself slipping. For so long, she'd kept everything buried: every insecurity, every pang of regret, every fear. She had constructed a wall in her mind, a mental box where she stuffed away her secrets, her battles with addiction, the gnawing anxiety that clung to her like a shadow. But tonight, Astra's compassion had pried open the box just enough, and the storm Vanessa had tried so hard to contain and forget was raging loose inside her.

After a while, Vanessa gently pulled away, sniffling as she tried to gather herself. She looked into Astra's eyes, gratitude mingling with something distant, a wall she was raising once more. "Thank you, Astra," she whispered, her voice wavering. "But... I need some space. I need to... clear my head."

Astra hesitated, a pang of fear tugging at her. "Vanessa, please. Are you sure? I don't want to leave you like this... not right now."

Vanessa forced a fragile smile, brushing a stray tear from her cheek. "I'll be okay," she assured her, though her voice was weak. "I'm not going to do anything stupid. I... I can't. Not with the ER team depending on me. I have responsibilities... people who trust me." She paused, exhaling deeply. "And besides, I can't risk it. The hospital can do a random drug test any time if they feel something is off."

Astra searched Vanessa's face, her heart heavy, her mind torn. She wanted to stay, to be there for Vanessa, to make sure she wasn't left alone in this fragile state. But she also knew how much the ER team meant to Vanessa, how much her reputation mattered. Astra knew that Vanessa wouldn't jeopardize her place in the team. It was one of the few things that kept her grounded, kept her from sliding further into the dark.

Reluctantly, Astra nodded. "Alright. But promise me... promise me you'll reach out if you need anything. Even if it's just a text."

"I will," Vanessa replied, her voice barely above a whisper, but the small smile she forced was enough to put Astra's heart at ease, if only just a little.

They walked to the door, a painful silence stretching between them. Vanessa's eyes were still red, her cheeks damp from the tears she'd barely managed to hold back. She looked at Astra, her gaze tender yet distant. "I'll see you tomorrow, maybe tonight.. I don't know yet" she murmured. Before Astra could respond, Vanessa leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss on Astra's cheek.

"Have  a good day, Astra," Vanessa said, her voice a gentle farewell, a hint of her vulnerability still flickering in her gaze.

Astra lingered for a moment, her heart pulling her back to Vanessa. But she knew Vanessa needed space, and so, with one last, heartfelt look, she nodded, closing the door softly behind her.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Vanessa crumpled to the floor, the weight of her suppressed emotions crashing down on her. A guttural cry tore from her throat, her hands clutching at the fabric of her shirt as if to physically hold herself together. She buried her face in her arms, pressing her forehead to the cold floor, her cries raw and unfiltered. "Perchè?" she whispered, her voice cracking. "Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I just... be free from this?"

Outside, Astra could still hear Vanessa's cries, muffled but unmistakable, each sound piercing through her like a knife. Every sob, every choked gasp clawed at her heart. She stood frozen for a moment, torn between the urge to rush back inside and the promise she'd made to respect Vanessa's boundaries. She gritted her teeth, feeling helpless, wishing there was something, anything she could do to ease the pain that was tearing Vanessa apart.