WOULD YOU RESCUE ME?

20.Shadows of a Shattered Heart

The door clicked shut behind them as Astra and Vanessa stepped into the quiet of Vanessa's apartment. A subtle heaviness hung in the air, one that Vanessa felt acutely pressing down on her shoulders. She cast a quick glance around her familiar surroundings, hoping the cozy mess would give her the kind of excuse she needed to dodge the conversation Astra clearly wouldn't let slide.

"So... are we going to talk now?" Astra's voice was soft, but there was an unmistakable firmness beneath it.

Vanessa felt herself tense, eyes darting to the kitchen. "Well, before we get into all that... do you want something to drink? Or, actually," she added with a quick grin, "how about we cook something together? We haven't done that in ages."

Astra's expression hardened. Her jaw tightened as she crossed her arms, fixing Vanessa with a look that cut right through her deflections. The faint amusement Vanessa had tried to spark vanished, and with a sigh, she conceded. "Alright, alright. I get it, Astra. But you have to understand, I'm not completely sure how to do this... how to talk about myself like this. It's been so long since I've really... let someone see." She gave a nervous laugh, glancing back at the liquor cabinet. "And after we're done, we might both need something strong. I know I will."

Astra's gaze softened just a bit, though her eyes remained attentive as Vanessa walked to her liquor cabinet, her movements quick, a little tense. She paused a moment, looking over the bottles as though she needed to remind herself they were there, giving Astra an unspoken invitation to make herself comfortable. Vanessa gestured toward the sofa, motioning Astra to sit.

Astra sank into the sofa, her eyes never leaving Vanessa as she watched her move, the faint outline of Vanessa's defined shoulders and arms flexing with every subtle movement as she picked up a chair and set it down directly in front of Astra. Vanessa slid into it, straddling the chair backward, draping her arms across its back and resting her chin on top. She was using it as a barrier, and Astra knew it. Vanessa's posture and the slight distance spoke volumes, but Astra wasn't deterred. She could see how much Vanessa was struggling, and despite her frustration, she softened, giving her friend the space she needed.

For a moment, Vanessa didn't say anything, her gaze focused on the floor. She took a deep breath, still bracing against the vulnerability she was about to expose. Then, she looked up, her eyes meeting Astra's with a mix of trepidation and resolve.

"Astra..." she began, her voice barely above a whisper. "Do you remember that friend of mine I told you about? The one who... who took her own life?"

Astra's expression softened, nodding as memories of that conversation came back to her. "Yeah, I remember."

Vanessa swallowed, glancing down, the weight of what she was about to share pressing heavily on her chest. "You asked me... if I loved her." She paused, the tension between them thickening. "And I never answered you, but... I think it's time you knew the truth."

Astra watched her carefully, her eyes steady, filled with compassion and an understanding Vanessa found both comforting and terrifying. Vanessa held Astra's gaze for a beat longer, then took a steadying breath, her voice soft as she finally answered.

"Yes, Astra," she admitted, her voice wavering slightly. "I loved her. I loved her in ways I didn't even understand back then, we were younger. And when she died... it was like part of me died with her. The genuine childish part of me." She looked down, her fingers gripping the back of the chair as though it was her only anchor. "And I think... maybe that's why I keep running from this. From... all of it."

Vanessa took a deep, steadying breath, her fingers fidgeting with a frayed edge on her jeans. Astra waited, her gaze gentle but unwavering, as Vanessa opened up a part of her heart she had hidden away, even from herself.