My Life, My Choice

all about what i want

november 2, 2024

today, i live in a 1 bed room condo unit, with so much clothes since i'm selling them for my business to continue. it's such a mess since its a 1 bed room unit so i decided to look for something spacious, something i can stay and i can work peacefully. that's why yesterday, it just happened that i found a unit in the ground floor, with a loof so it's like 3 beds, one as a master bed and the two beds are on the loof of the unit. It was nice and i felt like it will be a good start for me. ill make the loof as my office and the main floor will be a plain living room, kitchen and a bed where ill be sleeping. 

I got so much plans on it already but i still caught myself feeling negative about the space. well if i compare it in my current unit, then i should be thankful then. *eyes rolled*

so it's a fresh start here at wattpad again and i wanna tell you guys what i really want. 

i wanna have a peace of mind where i dont need to think about my financial stability and health. Actually i am already stable and healthy. i can buy what i want but it's just that... i feel like it's not enough. i want a business that generates money for my future travels, expenses, etc.

so here's what i'm aiming: 

1. i want to have a fashion shop which i will need to start with live selling, making my own clothes by pursuing fashion courses, buying my resources, continue selling until i can put up my own shop, hire employees to manage my shop, expand the shop and put more branches and let my money work for me.

>here's my problem now, my live selling is actually  increasing but i need to fix my BIR permit so I have to go back to my hometown which is 6 hours away from my place and fix it)

>i started making my own clothes but i'm lack of motivation and always felt depressed whenever i got a problem with myself and others. I easily gave up. 

>buying resources but not making any action to it? Yeah, it's also my problem.

and the others in the list, it's just wasn't happening until i solved these problems. *Long Sighed*

2. i want to become a dermatology. As i achieve this fashion stuff or maybe after i have achieved it, i want to become a dermatology. I want to be pretty forever, you know! Everyone wants to become pretty all the time so i think becoming a dermatology will make me live longer with a smile in my face. but of course in order to achieve this, i have to start taking college degree which i still struggle. Am i going to take Accountancy or Pre-med or Biology? or maybe Education? 

That will be 4 years right? After that, I will need to take Nmath, 4 years medical proper, 1 year internship, licensure exam, 3 years residency, diplomate exam, and 1-2 years fellowshit! I mean Fellowship* 

Which i have no idea how am i suppose to do  all of this without getting old and getting menopause. so if i start next year at my 25th year i mean 26th in my birth certificate then i will at least be able to become a dermatologist at the age between 37 and 40. 

So what do you guys think? As much as you're doubting it, i have been overly thinking of not thinking of this dream. Yeah, i suck so much in this 'THINK POSITIVE ALL THE TIME' especially if this is going to make me have a baby in my menopausal stage. Imagine, having a baby at the age of 41 or 42 and that's the last baby i'll be having in my whole life. I achieved my dreams but i might not be able to be in my child's college graduation for Doctorals because im already have aged and probably dead by that time. 

The worst is... I might not have a boyfriend. God! No baby at all. Dying alone with the money HAHA!

3. I want to have my own clinic, salon, and all the girls dreamt of having. I wanna havew them! Everything before i died. 

But how? When can i start doing it? and how can i do it? *shrugged my shoulders* 

"I have no idea" i said to myself as i shook my head from left to right many times. And with a smirk of disbelief. 

DUH!