My Life, My Choice

and now im okay

nov 7 2024

and now im okay. after telling all the hatred in my heart. i guess im okay now. looking at my life now, i think that my mom, dad, ka amy, ren and lady would want my life now. i can see it in their eyes and i have no problem with that.

it just that, most of the time, people who criticize you usually are the people who has a hidden jealousy. lets say my mom and my dad, they kept on putting me down. with amy, i didn't see any envious. with ren i could really see it in her eyes.

anyway, i deserve that life i have now. for a long time of suffering, i think i deserve a break. and this break will not going to be broken. as long as i live here, i know ill be soon successful enough to make these jealous people to look up to me and become my bashers or maybe plastic friends.

But i also have this criticism from people who really do love me. let's say Saie, my sister. She would tell me the truth. and not because she is jealous of me but because she just know who to make me take the criticism without feeling down. 

and of course, my man. he criticizes me but always try to make sure i wont be hurt. well, for me he is really the right person to me. 

So, perhaps we got out bracket now. 

my true and real friends are: my man, saie and (might be) ka amy.

my not so true and jealous friends are: my dad, mom and ren. 

im fabulous, duh! although im a negative person but at least im talented and pretty and still young! with a man and a sister and a friend.

for now, that's enough.

if some people would enter my world, i will make sure to make them feel not welcome so i wont make another jealous people on my side. 

im having a life i want because i choose this life. now im going to face my fear. and i will face them as if they have to fear me!