Killing me softly

18.

Jade;

He left shortly after dropping me off and my heart ached heavier than it has any other time; I decided to curl up on the couch for a while; that is until there's a knock on my door. I look out the window and see a man setting a bag of food down. He doesn't look dangerous, just more like you're average delivery guy; but as I've learned so far there are some dangerous ass people out there, and just about no one can be trusted.

I swiftly walk to the door grabbing the food and immediately shut and lock the door back. To say I have the upmost anxiety a person could have is an understatement. After what happened my paranoia and alertness is waayy up.

I set the food down infront of me on the table and begin to open it slowly nervous of what's inside the bag; but it sure does smell Devine. A note dawns the top of the boxes so I start with that before I get to the food.

--you will no longer go without or put off eating. Whether you eat it now or later tonight you had better enjoyed this delicious meal, and there's even a little something special in there too. See you soon little red- Ronnie

My heart began to race and I got the biggest smile across my face. I unpack the bag and open the boxes revealing a steak pasta with garlic butter Alfredo sauce, a side salad, and the best part a perfect slice of red velvet cake. My mouth watered; not only because of the delicious food infront of me but also from the thought that I would totally devour this man if he was next to me, simple gestures like this really mean a lot especially when I've never had someone do any of this before.

If my dad was still around I highly doubt he would approve of my interest in this Ronnie man. I mean let's be real he's a stalker and lord knows what else he is or does with his free time; and that's when I realized I know some of his name now there's gotta be something somewhere of this man online.

I proceed to eat my food and do a little happy dance hoping Ronnie is watching so he can see he did good on his choice. While I eat I of course watch some trash reality tv and dive myself into the wild lives of the people on the screen, loosing track of time and space; seemingly the entire time I ate.

I finished my food and set the cake in the fridge for later. I check the time and it's nearing midnight so I mind as well take a shower, and get comfy. So I head for my bedroom and walk into the bathroom; taking my clothes off and turning the water on.

I wonder of all the things that runs through Ronnie's mind. Does he really mean it when he says he will see me again soon? Or is it just a decoy to keep me around? Does he actually have interest in me? Or am I just a distraction from the actual reality of life? My head spins with everything crazy you could possibly think of and in this moment my happy upbeat but still paranoid mood is just left as paranoid and wondering.

I do what I need to do and step out. I dry my body off then wrap the towel around my hair, I step from the bathroom and grab my oversized hoodie off my vanity chair, I throw it on and dig through my underwear drawer

Come on come on, I know I have a red silk pair in here somewhere...

Eureka! I found them. I smirk to myself and slide them across my freshly shaved legs and adjust them to where they need to be. I walk back out to the kitchen grabbing my cake from the fridge and sitting on the couch.

Chills dawn my skin briefly, only for a moment as if a cold breeze of air washed over me; making my hair on the back of my neck stand up. Someone is watching. And possibly waiting. I take a deep breath and focus in on the tv and my cake trying to ignore the feeling, but it sticks like glue.

I look around, no cars are parked outside and when I look over to the other windows there's nothing there. Thankfully I have a whole bunch of outside lights so I can see just about anything.

I sigh and shake my head, maybe it's just Ronnie watching me, waiting for maybe even his own moment. I decided I didn't want anymore cake and got up to put it away. It's nearing midnight and my brain just won't stop; so I head for my bedroom taking my Xanax and sit on the edge of the bed looking out the window. I wish his car was there.. it would help me feel a little more calm and not as paranoid but as I've said before I'm not sure what this man does for a living so he could be out doing just about anything or anyone.

Then my heart aches again thinking of all the other females he might deal with. Does he see them like he sees me? Does he treat them all like this? Then my mind stops its destructive behavior and i remember what Andy had said at the bar.

-nah lil miss Ronnie ain't never been after no woman. He never was interested or found anyone interesting enough. He's a complex man. Very complex. You'll see one day-

My nerves calm down and I take a deep breath, remembering what was said. So maybe I am the only one he's stalking. Maybe I am the one he finally found interesting enough. I finally turn and lay on my stomach across my bed. I let the Xanax kick in doing its job to slow the rest of me down.

———
I close my eyes for what I thought was only 5 minutes, turns out it had been a whole hour and a half since I turned and laid down. I sit up and rub my face looking back out the window. The car is there. And I'm pretty sure he's in it. I wish I could describe the feeling of relief that washes over me seeing his car parked there, it sounds weird I know.

I so badly just want to run out of my house and get into his car and let him take me wherever his heart desires. Almost instantly I get this crazy and absurd idea, and it may work it may not but hey a girls gotta try. So with that I grab a blank piece of paper, and a sharpie. As my hand writes the letters forming words, I feel myself shaking. It's more of a nervous shake than anything really.

I grab a piece of tape and hang it to my window and smirk to myself. Now feeling the full entire effects of my medicine I go unlock the front door then go back to my room. As I crawl into bed and turn on my LED lights making the room a soft purple color, I think about the note I wrote;

Come inside.

Two simple words with a whole hell of a lot of meaning behind them. Whether he does it or not I probably wouldn't know anyways seeing as how this medicine puts me in a deep sleep.