"Siobhan?" The blond was torn from her thoughts as she heard Vivs voice calling for her. She sounded a million miles away but in reality, she was sat next to Siobhan on the bed and holding her hand. "Sorry Viv, I was in a world of my own, what did you say?
Viv moved slightly closer to the blond before asking "are you sure about this? I know you just said you feel ready, but it's fine if you've realised you're not." Siobhan shook her head and replied "no it's not that, honestly I'm fine, what did you say just now?" Viv frowned slightly "I asked you where your favourite place to be touched is."
Siobhan blinked rapidly before frowning herself as a harsh realisation hit her. "I don't know" she replied bluntly, feeling more and more humiliated by the second. "Okay" Vivs voice was so soft and soothing "what do you really not like?" Siobhan took a deep breath and looked away as she tentatively said "I don't like anything rough." She continued to look away as she blurted out "I don't like being called horrible names." Viv immediately wrapped one arm around the blonds waist and held her close "I would never call you a nasty name. I just want to love you and make you happy Siobhan, I promise you're safe with me."
For years, Siobhan had been at war with herself, waking up each morning and wishing she could be different. She'd always been attracted to men and she'd made sure to focus on that, constantly pushing down any attraction she felt towards women. Eventually she'd become so terrified of even befriending other women, just in case. Sometimes her mind would wander and she'd allow herself to imagine what it would be like to kiss a woman or hold their hand. Then she'd feel sick and remember how much she hated herself, how much everyone hated her. She'd wish so desperately that she wasn't so disgusting on the inside. When Roger had come along, he'd helped her and made her feel special but very quickly, he'd made it clear that she 'owed him' something. Their first time together had been on his terms and reconfirmed what she'd always believed, that she just didn't like sex. That was her part of the deal though and she'd tried her best, but nothing was ever good enough. In the end, he'd stolen her dignity from her, and she wasn't sure that she'd ever feel connected to her own body again.
When she'd met Viv, her guard had been down and she'd immediately felt the invisible string that seemed to exist between them. Viv had made her feel safe and respected and important, while Roger was the one who made her feel truly disgusting and worthless. None of his gifts could ever mend her body or her mind, nor could they remove the deep, aching scars he'd left on her heart. Viv was mending her heart and Siobhan so desperately wanted to feel the older woman's hands on her body, she wanted to touch her and press their bodies together.
Siobhan decided to take a leap of faith as she kissed Viv, before moving backwards onto the bed and simply saying "please Viv, I promise I'm ready." Viv crawled on top of her and kissed her gently, before placing her hands lightly on Siobhan's hips. The blond was wearing a red silk slip nightie, she was always so glamorous even at night time. Viv was more of a baggy t-shirt and old leggings kind of girl but she loved how different they were. As she ran her hands up and down Siobhan's thighs, she heard the way her breathing pattern became just a little bit faster.
Viv ran her hands over Siobhan's stomach and asked "so you've got no idea where you'd most like to be touched?" The blond shook her head "nobody has ever asked me, or explored my body or anything. They've honestly just used me or seen me as not worth any effort." Viv felt like crying but instead, she placed her hand on Siobhan's cheek and whispered "I'll explore and love everything about you, forever. Your mind, your body, your soul. If you want me to." Siobhan smiled as she leaned into Vivs touch "I'd really like that Viv. I want to explore you too."
As she kissed Siobhan's neck, Viv caressed her waist and just underneath her breasts, before placing kisses down the front of her body. As she moved lower, she took a moment to place her hand over Siobhan's heart. Viv knew that Siobhan was a complicated woman but when they were alone together, all she could see was an angel. She was so warm and soft and it broke Vivs heart to know how badly her wings had been clipped. Over and over again she'd been taught that she wasn't worthy of love or affection, so she'd built a wall so high she'd nearly disappeared behind it forever.
There was a little sliver of moonlight shining through the slight gap in the curtains, but the vast majority of light was coming from the candles Siobhan had lit. As Viv pulled down Siobhan's underwear she asked her softly "is this okay?" She nodded in response, looking up at Viv with so much trust and genuine belief that she wasn't going to hurt her. When she felt Vivs tongue beginning to explore her most intimate area, she pushed past the initial panic that began to rise within her chest. She allowed herself to give into the beautifully intense sensations she was experiencing, eventually feeling brave enough to cry out and stroke Vivs hair gently. Letting go was very difficult for Siobhan, but as she felt Vivs hands moving upwards and squeezing her hips, she felt safe and secure. So, she did let go, grabbing Vivs hand and surprising herself as she cried out "I love you Viv."
Immediately, Viv pulled herself upwards and held Siobhan tightly within her arms before telling her "I love you too Siobhan. I'm here now, you can let everything go baby." She could feel the blond shaking in her arms, so she began to trace her fingers over her stomach and breasts as a way to distract her. The pressure she was applying was so light Siobhan could only just feel it, but it immediately had a calming effect on the blond. Every time Viv touched Siobhan just underneath her breasts, she noticed the way she arched her back slightly and gasped. "I think we've found your favourite place to be touched" Viv said as she began to apply a little more pressure. Siobhan felt slightly breathless as she replied "I think so too."
