I am Sabrina

I'm So Fucking Tired

He threw me onto the bed and I tried to get out of the room, I had to get out of here. I tried to get out of his grasp but I was really weak. I was struggling and moving around I didn't want to let this happen to me. When I didn't stop moving he hit me in the head hard. I blacked out. It was like a dream for a while. I felt  nothing, no dream no feeling no sound smell taste just black. But when I woke up it was a slow process I felt the pain first, the pain in my head then the pain that was going on around my pelvis.

I began to groan. I felt my body rock, felt the music bump though out my body. Once I was fully aware of what was going on I started to panic. I could barely make any noise because of the wave of pain I was feeling. He began attack my neck I could hear his moans I wanted to throw up but I had no food in my stomach to do so. "s-stop" was all I could say. His pace was getting faster causing me to scream I tried to move my arms but they were tied together with what looks like his belt. I began sobbing just hoping someone will walk in but they never do, I was hoping that he would stop but he doesn't. He finished and I could barely move my legs but eventually I do and I roll over to my side. I'm crying harder than ever right now. He pulls up his pants and walks over to me and unties my hands violently and patted my cheek lightly "Thanks for the favor"

I drag myself off the bed to and to a corner I didn't have the strength to pull my skirt down I slowly pulled my legs into my chest and put my head down and squeezed my legs. Eventually I heard the music stop and it sounded like someone picked up a microphone. "Hey guys quiet down quiet down I'm pretty sure everyone knows a girl named Sabrina Jaeger, correct. Well what you might not know is that your high school celebrity is actually your local transgender. Yup that's right. I guess she forgot but as she led me up stairs to a room she took off her skirt and she is defiantly a boy. I wanted to share this information with you guys to prevent any misunderstanding. So overall Sabrina Jaeger or much known as Eren Jaeger is in fact a real trans-"then the voice at the mic much known as Rodrick was gone

I cried my heart sank and I felt like dying everyone knows now and the rest of the school will soon know. More importantly Jean was in that crowd. I started to shake I could feel Rodrick's seed dripping out of my body. Someone came busting through the door and I just squeezed my legs tighter when the voice spoke I knew it was Levi. "What happened, Sabrina talk to me I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on" I cried harder I didn't want to think back to the events of earlier. "Did Rodrick do something to you?" I nodded as I cried "Did h-he touch you?" I nodded again "Sabrina oh god d-did he rape you?" I nodded once more. I cried like never before I felt so gross. How could this happen to me. I didn't know how I would ever get up from this spot. "Fucking bastard" Levi got up out of anger but I grabbed his sleeve I didn't have to say anything to let him know that I wanted him to stay. He grabbed a blanket and sat down and patted his lap. I laid my head down and he put the blanket on me. As I cried I couldn't stop it was never ending.

My life was officially over. No matter what I thought about my mind would always go back to what just happened. I heard shuffling down stairs "The party was shut down everyone is leaving" he played with my hair which made me feel somewhat relaxed. But the tears kept flowing. The last thing I remember was hearing Levi talk on the phone. When opened my eyes I was in the hospital. My mom ran up to me and held my hand "Oh thank god Sabrina I'm sorry" I looked at her and I knew she knew. I started to cry again. Hours later Levi came in "Hey are you feeling okay?" "y-yeah thank you" "when I was playing with your hair I noticed my lap was wet so I lifted your head a little and you were bleeding so I called an ambulance.

I was discharged that day and over the next few weeks I was teased and made fun of for being Transgender. I stopped talking to everyone Except Levi and Mikasa. I wouldn't even say anything to Annie. My life sucks but it won't for long. I started cutting a while ago but it doesn't have the same effect on me anymore, it doesn't help reveal any emotional pain like it used to. I am so fucking tired so I decided to skip school and go home. I sat down at my desk and wrote a letter to my mom, dad Mikasa, Annie, Levi and Jean.